Her Frozen Heart
by Hiorhey
Summary: Elsa is a sad girl who takes notice of the beauty in the world, so its no wonder why Jack gets her attention. -Warnings; depression, self harm, hints of a ED, small meantion of rape, maybe smut later on idk
1. Chapter 1

The room was cold, the lights off. In fact the whole flat was quiet. Anna was in her room reading whilst Elsa was banging her wrist against the small wooden desk in the corner of her room, the consent rhythm was soothing. To her ears. It was familiar, it was home. The pleasure of pain hit her like an avalanche, it was amazing, the rush of happiness and excitement. But most of all release. She stopped after a few minutes and inspected her bruised, swollen wrist. Already it was turning a dark brown, it would look ugly. Especially as it was mixed with older bruises and red lines turning a lighter shade of purple. It pleased Elsa, she was finally able to do something,

_Pathetic_

_Stupid, you can't even look any uglier_

The voices, they haunted her mind. She sniffed and sat in the corner of the room, then she let it out, the tears. She cried into her arms begging to god,

"God take my pain away. Please god." But as usual there was no reply. She had to face the facts, there was no god out their to help her. She had to fight it herself.

But she knew it was already a lost cause. She'd lost the battle long ago.

Finally her tears came to a fading stop, she stood up and wrapped her arms around her waist.

**"I've been used by guys,**

**I've been hurt by girls,**

**I've been hit by my mum,**

**And cursed by the world,**

**So I keep hurting myself,**

**Wantin' to be perfect,**

**I'm waiting for someone to,**

**tell me that I'm worth it."**

She sang quietly to herself. She looked in the mirror and thought, only three words came to her mind whenever she saw herself naked and in front of a mirror,

_Ugly,_

_Disgusting,_

_Fat_

She sighed and traced her fingers over her scared legs, stomach and arms. Oh god was it worth it? Did she need some help? No, she was on her own.

She sat on her bed, turning away from the mirror and reached under her pillow. Elsa looked down to the book in front of her, it was pale blue with a golden glow, glitter and snowflakes scattered the cover, she made it when she was thirteen. She was only sixteen. Should this be her life? The answer was no, no she shouldn't. But it was how it was, no matter how much it should change it would never. Elsa shoved the book under her pillow and slapped her forehead, keep yourself together Elsa, don't fall.

She looked to the door and sighed, she opened it and knocked on the door opposite, Anna's room. She knocked twice,

"Anna, I'm going to a job interview now." She said softly, Anna, inside, rolled her eyes and cursed quietly.

"I don't fucking care." She yelled, Anna had never forgiven her for shutting her out for ten years. Elsa had a reason, but she could never ever share it with Anna. She'd take it to the grave, it had never been out from her lips. She sighed and wiped a tear.

Elsa walked back to her room and put on a long sleeved blue top and black and white striped jeans, simple dirty black converse and a black blazer. It was a job interview, she was forced to look smart. Even if it was for a waitressing jobs for the restaurant down the road. She opened the front door,

"Bye Anna!" She called, as always and expectantly she never heard a reply. Elsa had tried to make up for it. But she couldn't. No matter how hard she had tried it'd never worked. And it had hurt, like a burnt in her heart. Or as Anna called it, her cold frozen heart.

Once she arrived at the interview the manager greeted her warmly. In fact, the interview had gone amazing, better then Elsa had ever dreamed. She was introduced to some of the staff, there was Rupunzel, Hiccup, Astrid and Flinn or as his name tag said, Eugene. They seemed nice enough and the uniforms were great, you just had to wear a black top and black skirt/trousers and it was good. The code was strictly black and white, Elsa was fine with that. Black, blue and white was all she wore anyway.

"Well Elsa, you seem qualified enough, you got the job!" The manager, or North as everyone else called him, smiled shaking her hand. Elsa was so happy, she couldn't believe it.

_He only gave it to you out of pity._

_He feels sorry for you_

_Pathetic, can't even get a job that hasn't been given to you out of pity._

Elsa's smile faltered a little before regaining the bright, fake look. North noted in his head the error in Elsa's facade. He knew people, teens mostly, all to well.

"Thank you so much, just out of curiosity, when do I start?" She asked politely, she didn't want to loose her job as quickly as she got it. North laughed and looked at the papers on his desk,

"Well, if it's ok, tomorrow? At ten." He pondered, Elsa nodded and threw another thank you his way before leaving, she walked down the street feeling less obliged to hold a smile. Her features fell and she ran a hand threw her hair in frustration.

She was too busy looking down and bumped into someone, she nearly fell over but composed herself before she could hit the ground. She looked to the stranger and found him walking away throwing a 'sorry' over his shoulder. Elsa sighed.

_See how pathetic you are, nobody cares_

_No one in this world cares about you_

_Especially Anna, she hates you.._

"Shut up!" Elsa yelled in frustration. Her eyes were clenched shut so she didn't have to hear the judgment from people walking past. Elsa opened her eyes and fled the streets, she went to her flat and went into the kitchen getting a drink of water. Hoping it would calm her anxieties.

On the wall is a whiteboard, the whiteboard helped keep Elsa together, helped her not fall apart. On it was many thing, but mainly it was things to be grateful for. There were ten spaces. Three were filled up now. She was grateful for a home, food and water and a family. The fourth spot was now filled up.

She was thankful for four things now,

A home,

Food and water,

Family

And having a job.

'Maybe' Elsa thought, 'Maybe this year will get better'


	2. Chapter 2

*TRIGGER WARNINGS READ AT OWN RISK* enjoy :) song used is Baby Don't by BMike

~One Year Later~

"Elsa! This is the third time this week you've been late! It so frequent now." North yelled, Elsa was just looking down in shame she knew all this already, she was a failure, a spoilt, bratty one. She hadn't even been able to sleep, she failed the simplest things.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean too. Are you going to fire me?" She asked raising her head slowly, North sighed and looked down,

"No, just try to come in on time, oh and you weren't here for the meeting. We're having a uniform change, the others will tell you," North muttered, "now go do your job love, my son is visiting this afternoon."

Elsa left quickly, she though over in her head and muttered the words again.

"_I've been used by guys,_

_I've been hurt by girls,_

_I've been hit by my mum,_

_And cursed by the world,_

_So I keep hurting myself,_

_Wantin' to be perfect,_

_I'm waiting for someone to,_

_tell me that I'm worth it"_

She went into the break room and tied her apron on over her black skirt. She went outside and saw people waiting with menus in the restaurant and went over.

"Hello, my name is Elsa. Can I take your order?" She asked not looking up from the notepad. She noted what they wanted and told the cook. This was normally how the days went. Slow and boring.

By the time it was her break she was tried out, Flynn sat next to her on the couch,

"How many customers?" He asked annoyed, Elsa laughed softly, it sounded so forced though. Flynn was concerned, like everyone else. Everyone worried about her, she keeps getting more distance. Rupunzel didn't seem to notice but she was in her own world. Astrid and hiccup knew but nobody seemed to care, or act. Flynn stood up and faced Elsa,

"You need anything tell me ok?" He asked making sure he saw her nod before walking of. Silently Elsa wanted him to stay, so she wouldn't have to be alone with her thoughts. She started to eat her baguette she made at home when the thoughts kicked in,

_Wow your eating that_

_Fat pig eat anymore Anna's mobile number will be the number you next see on the scale._

_Honestly, do you know how many calories that is_

_Disgusting_

_Pathetic_

Elsa threw her barely eaten baguette in the bin and brought her knees up to her face. She whimpered when she felt her belly rub slightly on her thigh. She really was fat. Maybe she should stop eating for a while, cut a couple of pounds, maybe just not eat as much, or she could just die. She never thought about her death before. She had many opinions to die by like hanging herself, overdosing, knife, blade. So many opinions.

'**Shes only seventeen her whole life head of her.'**

She stood up and walked to the toilet sitting in the loo, the door locked. Her breath was shaking as she reached into her shirts breast pocket, she took a risk today, she was wearing a white silky shirt that showed her collar bone a tiny bit of her wrists. Elsa knew better then to cut her wrists, so she bruised them. She cut her upper arms. Bruised the lower. It made it no better but to Elsa it was perfect. She rolled her sleeve up and stopped, the shirt was white. Elsa sighed and rolled it back down. This time lifting her skirt a little to find her soul. There was no room on her thigh, no clean spot. She grunted and cut over them.

The build up to the marks was what Elsa loved, then she had the release, the cut itself. It's like saying to a child at the beginning of the day that in the evening after tea. The whole day the child will be excited, tension will be building so strong that the pleasure and happiness that after you want so much more.

She sat and watched as her leg bleed until it could no longer do so and wiped it up with a few tissues, nobody would notice her missing presence, nobody cared enough.

_Worthless people cut darling_

_Immature people would notice you are missing_

_I wish you could see how bloody stupid you are Elsa_

'**She hates work cause the people there discredit her.'**

Elsa stood up and straightened her skirt, she walked out of the bathroom with the smile she'd perfected over the years. Her thighs were sore and kept rubbing on her skirt but Elsa took pleasure in it, happiness in it, excitement. She walked into the break room of out her apron back on when she saw North and everyone else sitting on the sofas talking, once she entered they stopped talking.

_See they don't care that you were gone _

_Wouldn't care if you died_

Elsa gripped her waist, anxieties and self consciousness creeped around her like a wind. But then Flynn and Hiccup both left squeezing her shoulder as they went back to work,

"Good luck." Hiccup whispered before leaving. Why would she need luck?

'But everyday she just get lower with her self-esteem'

"Elsa this is Jack my son, Jack this is Elsa." North bellowed from the corner, behind him a boy around eighteen stood up, walking in front of his father. The boy had light blonde hair and blue eyes. He wore a simple blue hoodie and brown shorts, yet no shoes or socks. He was leaning of a staff with a crooked edge. He nodded at her with a smirk, eyeing her. Elsa shuffled her feet and locked her fingers together.

'**Nobody seems to get ya, ya feel you're on your own'**

"Hi." He said winking. Elsa sighed,

"Hello." She replied, a sharp tone in her voice, her mind swirled and suddenly she wished she was in bed, the safest place. Jack looked at her a little confused but ignored it and shrugged. Walking to North's office.

"Elsa, he's going to be working here so be nice." North says gently before following Jack. Elsa walked back into the restaurant and continued work, there wasn't more she could do.

When the restaurant was finally closing Astrid walked up to Elsa,

"Hey Elsa, there's a pool party tonight, you should come." She said nudging Elsa who tensed and opened her mouth. She looked around and saw everyone was in the break room, except North. He left ages ago so that he could do something like, well nobody knew, he did leave suddenly a lot.

"I-I might not-t b-be able too." She stuttered under pure pressure, Flynn and Rupunzel made a whiny noise,

'Oh come on it'll be fun!" Hiccup smiled placing an arm around Astrid's shoulder. Elsa shook her head giving them a small smile. Everything in the room grew colder. Elsa shivered and threw her jean jacket on wrapping it around her small body.

"Sorry guys Anna isn't allowed to be left at home alone." Everyone, except Jack, knew about Elsa's sister, they didn't know about what happened behind closed doors. She was thankful none the less.

"I'm sure she'd be ok for a few hours El." Flynn pressed, she sighed, there was no way she would be getting out of this one.

"Fine I'll come, what time?" She asked looking outside nervously it was getting dark, at only 7? Elsa frowned and looked to them expectantly,

"Oh at nine and bring Anna, jack! You should come too." Rupunzel excitedly squealed, Hiccup and Astrid fake palmed. They didn't like Jack, not after they saw how Jack'd treated girls speed slept with. Of course Rupunzel, Flynn and Elsa didn't know so they looked at each other, and smiled.

"Sure, I can." Jack smiled and threw a blue hoodie on, Elsa looked and saw silver embroidery on it. It amazed her how people could be so detailed when making clothes.

'**I know your heart is hurting, you think the world is in**'

Elsa bid them all a quick goodbye and walked home, she walked through the door to see Anna eating Pizza in the living room watching television.

"Hey Anna, my work mates invited me to a pool party tonight at nine, would you like to come?" She asked nervously. Elsa twisted her thumbs around the other and bit her lip.

"Sure." Was her sisters response, Elsa just sighed in relief that it wasn't sharp or emotionless, Anna had genuinely sounded happy to go with her.

Elsa walked to her room, deciding to take a quick nap before the party. She payed on her bed, not bothering to get under the duvet.

**~Dream~**

**He was coming for me knife in his hand. His smirk lingered on his perfectly sculptured face. To me he was the devil but also the angel. I was terrified. Most people just guessed we were the perfect couple. Always happy, but everything was fake. Behind closed doors he was evil, abusive. He held the sharply edged knife to my collar bone digging slightly. No blood was drawn yet, like I said, yet.**

**"Elsa, what to do with you." He teased. His face got closer to mine as the knife slashed my shoulder. A strained cry left my lips as hot tears burned my cheeks. The unbearable pain scorched my skin, my once white sleeve covered in red sticky blood oozing out of the wound. My breaths turned into short gasps as I begged for air. Crying and bleeding left such a state in you that you forget to breath. He leaned closer till I felt his breath on my skin.**

**"Boo, what should I do know, maybe this?" He questioned slashing my wrist making my scabs already there from the morning burst open. This time a ear piercing scream erupted me. He growled,**

**"What did I say about screaming?" He hissed in my face holding the knife above my leg. The tears started coming down in water falls this time.**

**"P-please don't! I love you please don't." I begged, his smirk returned. He dropped the knife and held his hand out to me. I took it and he lead me outside the house. The moonlight sky shined around us. My tears stopped, I felt safe again. My head started spinning and I fell to the ground head smacking the pavement.**

**~End Of Dream~**

Elsa woke up panting, she looked over to the clock next to her 8:15. 'Shit' Elsa thought. She sat up and ran her hand through her hair in deep thought,

She'd never had a dream that bad before,

'**The next day she's feeling better then the day before.'**

She walked to her chest of drawers and got a pair of denim 3/4 length jeans and a light brown jumper. Elsa quickly walked into the bathroom, locking the door. She sat on the toilet and looked in the mirror. She was doing it, going to a party. If you'd told her this a year ago she'd have ignored you and cried for weeks but it was happening. For real. Elsa looked her her reflection and grabbed some concealer hiding her dark shadows and the blemishes around her nose. She put eyeliner and mascara on her eyes and saw herself. She looked a little more presentable. She smiled at her reflection choosing the most reliable type of smile and changed into the clothes in front of her.

'**Even cracked a couple smiles as she walked the corridors.'**

Elsa looked at the outfit, it was ok, she could just say she was too ill to go in the pool and swim or maybe she could skip. No, they'd ask her about it tomorrow. The jumper was thinner and showed more of her collars then Elsa had hoped but it was ok. She pulled her hair up into a high messy ponytail and walked out, dumping her old clothes in her room.

Elsa continued into the kitchen and fixed herself a glass of water and a cup of tea. She drank the water quickly to quench the hunger in he stomach for as long as possible and drank her tea slowly. She sat on a stool and leaned her head in her hands on the counter. She breathed in and out deeply, she was watching the way the corners patterns twisted. It amazed her, the smallest things.

Finally Anna showed up in a green tank too and black jeans, Elsa smiled and pressed her lips into a thin line.

"You ready?" She asked faking the cheerfulness that made Elsa want to throw up.

"Yah I guess."

"So how's school?"Elsa asked trying to break some of the tension that was surrounding the room like a wall of ice. Elsa got ready for silence, the hopeless stupid silence that'd fall whenever one of them, basically always Elsa, tried to talk and it would be uncomfortable for the rest of the journey. What surprised Elsa was when she heard a large breath.

"It's good, teachers are nice and so are the people." Anna replied no sharp tone or anything, in fact she turned to face Elsa and smiled. Elsa felt her heart pound in her chest. Happiness, someone she truly hadn't felt on a long, long time. Maybe she was happy because she had been invited to a party or because Anna had been so normal to Elsa. It was a fair choice.

"Lovely."

Rupunzel's house pulled up into view it was large and there was a steady beat of music echoing into the streets. Anna had left the car, she was already at the door waiting patiently for her sister. They knocked at the door and none other than Flynn answered smirking,

"Hi." He purred, Anna giggled and walked silently until she saw someone she knew and ran off.

The rest of the evening was a blur if Elsa was going to be honest. She just remembers the heavy beat, the sweating, writhing bodies and the smell of smoke and alcohol in the air.

Nobody really knew how the five of them ended up sitting outside on chairs. Talking, laughing, chatting, Elsa felt so out of place here, she was fidgeting a lot and looked around. Occasionally they'd include her in the conversations but Elsa didn't mind. She liked just thinking.

'**And everybody in the room just seemed to point and laugh**'


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

**Ok so I have a fun fact. Elsa's character is based from Stiles on Teen Wolf, does anyone here watch teen wolf?**

Elsa wasn't always sad. She had good days sometimes usually it's if she's with a friend, though she has literally only one. The only friend she considers herself close with is Flynn, maybe Rupunzel and Hiccup but it's Flynn. Since she began her job they would meet up and go to the park or shop or even just talk, for hours. She was so thankful to have a friend like him. She knew a lot about him and he to her, but not everything. Elsa could never say everything that's happened to her. He'd judge her and throw her away that they did. Everyone else.

'**Today you don't wanna get out of bed."**

Flynn and Elsa were due to hang out in the shops today. Elsa just couldn't bring herself to get up of the bed she didn't even know why. It was like she's lost the will to even try anymore. She didn't want to make an effort. She didn't want to move. She didn't want to breath. It was strange, waking up and feeling like you'd rather not. To wake up with thoughts in your head, disturbing thoughts, terrifying thoughts, ones that haunted her. Scared her. Made her fearful.

'**There are so many thoughts in your head**."

She put her hand under her pillow and pulled the familiar pale blue book. Her diary. She flipped it over to a clean page and grabbed a pen, she kept one on her night stand incase she needed to vent her feelings. Some pages included little quotes, other held moments she wanted to remember, happy memories. Like of her and her sister. Her and her parents. Her favourite memory was when she and Anna went camping, aged 13, they had decided to go swimming in a lake but ended up canoeing with a Chinese guy that caught a big fish, the evening after they'd sat around a campfire with the mans family and ate the fish. She smiled remembering the memories. The cover was bumpy and rough. The edges were crumpled from where she moved around in her sleep. The page she was on was smooth and fine, perfect for ink, even drawing.

Elsa felt like she needed to jot down her feeling, especially now.

'**Like you'd be better if dead, better of dead.'**

Instead of writing the normal 'dear diary' she went to the first page. The first page was crispy and had blood splotches on, probably because it was the first time she was punched in the face and her nose was bleeding like crazy. She closed the book and slid it back to its place under her pillow. Her mind was going crazy and she scratched her head. She looked at her fingernails and noticed the dandruff and oil on them from her hair, she really needed to take a shower.

'**But let me tell you.'**

So that's what she did. She scrubbed her body viciously, without even looking you could be sure that red patches were forming on her pale white skin. When she finished she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body. Whilst walking back to her room, Anna walked out of hers. Elsa froze and wrapped her arms around her body, hiding the angry red marks, Anna smiled slightly to Elsa,

"Morning Elsa." She nodded politely, Elsa sighed, it was like they were strangers that had to share a roof. Elsa nodded back and ran to her room shutting the door behind her and panted.

'**There's a whole world waiting for you.'**

Elsa looked her her face in the mirror and rubbed eyeliner on her eyelids and mascara on her eyelashes and bb cream on her skin. She sighed and pocked her chin. A double chin was visible, it looked terrible. Her cheeks had started to sink in due to lack of sleep. Bags under her eyes and shadows of blue and dark brown formed more visible then before.

'**Its hard to believe but it's true.'**

Elsa walked to her chest of draws and pulled out a grey burnout top, a light blue oversized hoodie and some black ripped skinny jeans. Elsa quickly put them all on and rolled the sleeves up. She looked down at the canvas of scars and bruises. It was coming up to summer, she wanted to wear short sleeved tops and bikinis but she couldn't.

A) her scars and cuts

B) Her body

C) her bikini line

It made her uncomfortable to think about it. Elsa shook of the thoughts and grabbed her keys and some change she had in her money box or "happy box" as she called it. It was just a wooden box painted white that was in a draw in her night stand. Inside the box was a safe that had nearly all the money she earned from work. Some money was in her purse and some emergency places around the flat but this was her main supply.

'**So just hold onto me, hold onto me**.'

When Elsa arrived at the town centre she rolled her sleeves down and unzipped her hoodie, it was the only thing she could do to help her with the heat. The heat that tingled her skin, sent burning sensations up and down her back. She looked to where he normally came from and saw him walk round the corner. She smiled and stood up, making her way to him. Flynn grinned and hugged her tightly. Neither of them knew it but they were both thankful, thankful to be friends. Flynn was friends with a lot of people but he was defiantly a lot more closer to Elsa then to them. Yes, he was dating Rupunzel and they were amazingly close. But he never got that best friend. Now he had one.

'**Because if you go my heart would break**.'

Elsa was the same, since all her friend left her. She couldn't blame em though, it's hard to be friends with someone who has locked their door to everyone and everything. But at least she had good intention to. If she told anyone what happened they'd either ignore her for the rest of their lives or say she over reacted. Elsa doubted anyone would pity her. But she knew she reacted perfectly fine, if the definition of fine was crying, screaming and hurting.

Everyone knew the scale. The scale to show where fine was it went:

Amazing | great | good | ok | bad | very bad | awful | fine

"So shall we go onwards." Flynn grinned pointing towards the Brunel, where most of the shops were. Elsa grinned and nudged him.

"We shall."

The thing Flynn liked most about Elsa was that she didn't go to the bra and underwear section. She went to Holland and Barrett. Flynn was confused wasn't Holland and Barrett full of diet stuff and herbal remedies. Without a question, he followed her in. Elsa had picked out a plastic jar with some diet pill brand on it and some scar cream.

'**Cause you are so beautiful**.'

"Who are they for?" He asked, pointing to the objects in her looked down to what she held. Her breath hitched while her mind thought of something to say.

"The pills are for my aunt and the scar cream for my cousin. Shes got a nasty burn on her hand that's scarring and my aunts trying to keep her weight and be able to eat whatever the hell she wants." Elsa explained looking into Flynn's eyes and smiling, adding in a roll of the eyes to make it more believable. Thankfully Flynn brought it to Elsa's relief.

So they carried on walking around the shops until Flynn sighed annoyed. He looked at the far corner of topman/topshop to see jack leaning on the counter. He was talking to the girl behind the counter, the girl was blushing and laughing. Jack was flirting with her, and he appeared to be victorious.

'**I promise you this I promise you this**.'

Elsa looked in the direction that Flynn was looking at. She scoffed. Over the past two weeks they had been working together had been...interesting. They hadn't really talked that much but from what Elsa had heard, she hated.

"What did we do wrong today to deserve this?" Elsa wondered out loud, Flynn looked at her confused yet amused.

"I've done nothing wrong El." Flynn answered while he heard Elsa gasp,

"Oh my lord today I didn't say good morning back to Anna. I thought it but I never said it. And for that I deserve this?" Elsa started to hit her head repeatedly. Flynn laughed and grabbed her head lightly in his hands. Elsa looked at him confused. Why was he laughing she was being deadly serious. He stopped laughing slowly and pointed back to Jack.

'**And you are more then capable**.'

"Should we say hi?" He asked, Elsa shrugged and fiddled with the hem of her hoodie. Flynn was confused as to why she was wearing a hoodie in the bright sun but he didn't say anything, maybe she was really pale and burned easy or she was uncomfortable with being bare armed.

"Sure, if you want I mean." She smiled, Flynn smiled back. As annoying as Jack could be, Flynn thought he was a great person. You had to just get through he many many many MANY layers that he made piled on himself. Yes he was angry and irritating but he was just like them, looking for a job and trying to make it in the world. But knowing his dad, he could afford a college education. Flynn looked at Elsa, she was seventeen, shouldn't she be in college? 'Me and Rupunzel took college together so did hiccup and Astrid. We graduated, what about El?'

'**Just believe in yourself when nobody else is listening**.'

They walked over to Jack, Flynn started the conversation, something Elsa was thankful of.

"Hey Jack." He said pulling Jack away from the girl he was flirting with. Jack gave them a dirty look. Elsa's chest tightened.

_Oh god he hates you just like everyone else_

"Oh hello Flynn. Elsa." He nodded spitefully. Without anything else Elsa decided to turn away and browse the clothes whilst the boys talked. She normally never shopped in shops like this, rarely she would. Only if she was in the mood to treat herself. Which was more frequent since she began to work.

To think, everything was going ok until a trio of people walked into the shop. This is one of the main reasons she never left the flat. She didn't want to bump into them. She blocked them out for her reasons and her reasons only.

'**And I may not even know your name**.'

"Elsa?" One of them said shocked. Her name was Debra, she was with Julie and Courtney, her old best friends. Elsa mentally slapped herself. Of course they'd come onto this shop, they had used to do it when they were all friends in year 7&amp;8.

"Hello." Elsa quietly responded, her tone was polite and sounded elegant. As if it was practised for hours. Which it was, she used to do it so that she wouldn't sound stupid when meeting new people.

'**But I promise you I felt the same**.'

"So, how have you been it's been. What, four years now?" Courtney spoke, Elsa flinched slightly at the way she said it. It was disappointment. And god did it terrify her.

Flynn looked over to Elsa about half way through his and Jacks talk to see her talking to three girls. He was confused, he didn't know Elsa had friends. Jack stopped talking and looked at Flynn and followed his gaze. People seemed to be following his gaze a lot lately. They looked at Elsa and made their way over to them, curiously.

"T-that long?" Elsa stuttered her breathing increased rapidly, her mind shut down whilst her chest closed around her. She didn't know what to say really to them.

'**As you do right now, you'll make it somehow**.'

"Flynn this is a privet conversation we shouldn't butt in." Jack whispered. Flynn shook his head and stood next to Elsa, his grip on Jacks arm never softening. Elsa looked up to them smiling softly, she was grateful they were there.

"We just want an explanation El." Julie pushed in front of Debra and Courtney. She crossed her hands trying to seem calm and content but coming across as intimidating.

"I- I..." Elsa couldn't finish, she couldn't say anything. She was still stunned how they were in front of her. She's pushed them to the back of her mind so much that it seemed like they were once in a dream she'd had years ago. She thought she was over them, but it still hurt to see them. They looked beautiful, puberty hit them great. The once geeky, unpopular trio now looked stunning.

"An explanation for what?" Flynn asked, Courtney looked at Flynn for the first time and looked to jack, then back to Elsa. Debra raised an eyebrow and Julie just kept her position.

'**And even if you felt as though you have no friend**.'

"For shutting us out. For locking the doors in our faces. Every time we texted it came up with 'number does not exist. Why Elsa? And if we knocked on your door you never answered. We were there for you! And what do we get in return? We get ignored." Debra's face was red, possibly from both being annoyed and angry. Jack and Flynn stared at them, confused. Elsa had done that?

'**Except the blade that cuts your skin**.'

"I-I'm sorry." Elsa replied her breathing sharpened, she felt like her legs were going to give out below her. Just as if things couldn't get worse, Anna came in with her friend Meredith, a girl with red hair, they'd met around a year ago when Elsa was halfway through her first year as a waitress.

"Anna?" Elsa said looking to her sister. Anna looked at Elsa and her eyes widened,

"Elsa." She stated nodding her head smiling. Elsa's hand kept clenching and un clenching. It was keeping her sain. Black dots started to clot up her vision.

'**Your better then this you're worth more.'**

"We better go, bye Elsa." The three girls walked away, out the shop leaving Elsa, the boys and the girls there alone.

"Who were they?" Jack asked.

"Just some people I used to know, can we leave it now?" Elsa turned to Jack, her stare cold and hard. Jack raised his hands in defence and rolled his eyes.

"Well sorry." Jack laughed lightly, Elsa hit his arm. He glared at her and grabbed her arm, missing how she winced when his hand came in contact with a bruise. Flynn pulled Jack away from her.

"Guys, I'm going home." He said, Elsa nodded and hugged him, watching him leave hushed let out a breath. Jack turned to Elsa,

"Just you and me huh?" He commented, Elsa was about to respond that Anna and Meredith were here too but when she looked around the pair were nowhere to be seen. She frowned.

'**And even if you go my heart will break**.'

"I guess, but I'm just going to go home." She said looking up at Jack. He grinned and put a hand on her shoulder. She looked down and shuffled her feet, tugging on her sleeves and bunching them in her hands.

"Okay then El. Have fun." He sang before heading of into a different direction, leaving the shop. Elsa glared at where he left. He called her El, only her friends normally did. Yet Elsa couldn't help but grin when thinking about the blue eyed boy. She laughed lightly before walking out the shop herself and walking home. Today was a good day, apart from the awkward encounter with her old friends. But she wouldn't change what happened for the world

'**Just hold on one more day.'**


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Is it me or when someone says 'you alright' you feel the need to get all defensive and say something like 'I know you are but what am I?

* * *

'**My ship went down, in a sea of sound.'**

When she woke up, Elsa's mind was at ease. She got up without any problems, maybe today was a good day. Elsa put on the familiar black skirt and put a long sleeved white top on. She shrugged on a black blazer too and pulled some tights on. She walked to the mirror and looked in it. She was fine, she was fine, she was fine. She was great. She was amazing.

But with just another look pain the mirror that 'perfect picture' seemed to crash around her. She wasn't fine, she wasn't fine, she wasn't fine. She was bad. She was hurt. She was sad. Worst of all she was alone, Anna was going to be gone for a week for a school trip. Elsa hated coming home to an empty flat, she hated waking to an empty flat. She had no choice. She was forced into this life, to being her. If she had the chance to switch with anyone else she would, no doubt about it.

'**when I woke up alone I had everything.'**

She sighed and went into the kitchen and drank some orange juice. She paused and looked down. Orange juice couldn't make you fat right?

_Everything does Elsa_

_If you touch it then it makes you fat_

_God do you want to wobble harder whilst walking?_

_Pig_

Elsa sighed and poured the rest down the drain, she didn't want to but she had too. She didn't want to wobble while she walked, and be a pig. She slipped her little black flats on and walked out of the flat locking the door behind her. She walked out of the building to work.

'**A handful of moments I wish I could change.'**

When she arrived at the building everyone was there, she groaned, she wasn't late was she. She looked at the clock on the wall and saw she was five minutes early, she sighed in relief. Elsa tried to ignore as many people as she could and just get down to work but as always people tried to start a conversation with her.

'**But it rung like a nightmare that cut like a blade.'**

"How are you Elsa?"

"You alright?"

'**In a city of fools I was careful and cool.'**

She ignored it most of the day but Flynn walked up to her during the final shift hours.

"You ok El, you seem stressed." He asked quietly, wiping the table next to where she was sorting the cutlery out. She sighed,

"I'm ok god, will people stop bothering me." She responded quickly without thinking, she looked at Flynn and saw the surprised and hurt look on his face. She felt guilty, he was trying to be friendly and up she was just being a bitch.

_You're always a bitch so it's ok_

'**Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty.'**

"Sorry, I'm just really tired." She said softly, she squeezed his shoulder giving a small smile. Flynn nodded and looked at the clock and gasped.

"Oh my shifts over, I'll call you later tonight El okay?" He said, Elsa nodded and waved him goodbye. Once he left the building she watched as everyone else packed their thighs up and left, some knowing Elsa was in a bad mood and not bothering. It made Elsa feel like crap. She was horrible to people who were genuinely worried.

Elsa sighed and continued working. Once she finished with the cutlery she grabbed a cloths and wiped the tops of the tables until the were all descent. North came into the dining area and smiled.

**'but I'm smiling at everything.'**

"Elsa I'm going home now, Jacks going to lock up. Go home sweetheart you look nackered!" He chuckled ruffling her hair lightly, Elsa laughing to, a little too forced. She watched as he left too saying a small 'goodbye' each. Elsa out the cloth back on the sink and went into the break room sitting in the bench and breathed in and out deeply. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. She went to her locker checked through it. She was collecting her stuff when she was suddenly on the ground clutching her elbow. Sharp stabbing pains shot through her arm, she winced loudly and the person that caused it kneeled down. She hadn't been dumb, the only person that it could have been was Jack as he was the only person left. Jack kneeled in front of her.

"Shit sorry Elsa!" He said quickly leaning forward then backwards, unsure of what to do. She held her hand out to be pulled up and he shook his head, as if recovering and stood up, helping her. She smiled before it faltered into a slight frown. Jack hit his forehead with his palm,

'**Therapy you were never a friend to me.'**

"Oh crap sorry, you hurt your elbow? Why did I question it of course you hurt your elbow." Jack muttered reaching out to grab her arm, Elsa flinched when he gently took hold of it. He looked at her confused and released it quickly holding his hands up in defence. Elsa couldn't help but giggle lightly, she smiled slightly and held her arm out, letting him take it. He did so, he held her arm carefully and felt her elbow.

"Okay there's a small bump should be fine in a couple of hours." Jack said softly letting her arm fall limply to her side. Elsa nodded and went to get her stuff.

"Someone threw away a whole sandwich, what a waste." He moaned, Elsa but her lip and hoped her didn't know it was hers, "oh well their loss." He shrugged and turned away facing Elsa. She was going to say something but he cut her off.

"What's that?" Jack said pointing to Elsa's wrist. Her heart stopped, did he know. How was it that he knew? What had he seen?

'**so you can take back your misery.'**

"What's what?" Elsa responded trying to act calm and content. She thought for a second, conceal don't feel, don't feel, don't feel.

"That bruise?" Elsa's eyes widened in surprise, he hadn't seen but this was still bad,

"Oh that?" 'Really? That's all I could think of?' She thought to herself,

_Stupid isn't it Elsa_

_God can't even make good responses_

"Do you have like, an abusive family or something?" Jack questioned, his curiosity getting the better of him. He reached to her wrist to look at it more closely but she pulled it away.

"What no." She snapped at him, he raised his eyebrows and smirked widely. How Elsa stopped herself from slapping him she'll never know.

'**arrogant boy love yourself so no one has too.'**

"Abusive boyfriend?" Jack asked, Elsa had to do a double take. Abusive boyfriend? She felt like laughing.

"No Jack." She replied getting pissed off and annoyed. She folded her arms and leaned against the wall, Jack folded his arms and did the same. She was confused as to if she was being mocked or not. She shook the thought and looked at the feet.

"Then why do you have a bruise?" Jack asked again, softer this time, almost worried but he sounded to cocky, to happy with the situation to Elsa that she didn't hear it. She couldn't control her thoughts. There were whirling around her head like a thousand tornados.

**'Their better off without you.'**

"Because I trapped it in my car door!" She yelled, she was beyond annoyed and just angry now. The lie seemed to slip through her lips as if practised a million times. She needed to calm down but she just couldn't. She closed her eyes and took in deep breathes before reopening her eyes and unfolding her arms.

"Oh really?" Jack whispered loudly, he cocked his head to the side and smirked wider, if it was even possible which is normally impossible but here is the proof that it is.

"Yes." She stated calmly, her voice authorised and content, she was pleased with herself. She kept quite calm.

'**arrogant boy cause a scene like your supposed too.'**

"When?" He asked, Elsa was surprised, she didn't expect this question. She expected a 'why' question or just for him to let it go like a lot of people did.

"Monday? I don't know." She shrugged, she was sweating slightly, she hated being under pressure like this. She expected more questions and a long interrogation but to her surprise Jack just shrugged and nodded.

"Okay." He said. Elsa stared at him for a moment but then nodded her head.

"Bye Jack." She waved to him, he waved back and she started to walk backwards to the doors, Jack laughed and smiled to her.

"Good bye El." Jack sang before walking into the back room. She sprinted out of the restaurant fast. She was sure she wore her sleeves firmly down. How could she have been so stupid? Car door? Really. She decided she needed to calm her nerves so she stopped at the store she always passed but never entered.

'**Your lucky if the memories remain**.'

Elsa walked into the liquor shop and scanned her eyes across the many, many options of alcohol she could have. There were so many ranging from wine to champagne, everything. Elsa decided simply on a bottle of Jack Daniels and a large bottle of Vodka. She walked up to the cashier putting the bottles of the counter top. The cashier gave her a look and raised her eyebrow. Elsa fidgeted under her stare, feeling the judgement and disappointment.

_See even someone who doesn't know you hates you._

_Everyone hates you Elsa._

_Just die Elsa._

_Little El what happened to you?_

Elsa handed her credit card to the lady behind the cash register and bit her lip harshly and firmly. She began to taste the metallic tint blood seemed to have to it and relaxed, she was fine. She was fine. She was fine. Or at least, that's what she told herself. The lady asked for her pin and she typed it in. Elsa got the liquor in a plastic bag that was doubled with another plastic bag so it wouldn't fall out and so the handles wouldn't break. Grabbing her card, she walked outside fast and carefully. She didn't want to mess up. Many things could go wrong. She could drop the liquor, she could die, she could see someone she loves and makes them hate her, she could see her boss and he thinks she a alcoholic.

'**They'll fall asleep without you.'**

Elsa did everything she could to run home without hearing the clanging of bottles and running into people. She kept her head down low and avoided eye contact. It worked because she made it too her flat without seeing anyone. Ana was out, she was safe and sound. Elsa out her keys in the lock and twisted them, she opened the door, slamming it behind her. The echo bouncing off the walls. She wasn't ready for the tears, well she was but she didn't expect them so soon. Without notice, they were falling from her eyes faster then she wanted. Ugly gulping noises made their way up her throat and she gagged.

She was barely in the place for ten minutes before she brought the vodka out and drank straight from the bottle. Her mind was collapsing and her heart was faltering. She felt like she was drowning. Searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle seemed the only thing she was good at. The only thing she wanted. She was as fragile as a butterfly and she deadly as a grenade. The burning sensation from the liquor was rolling from her throat to her stomach. It settled uncomfortably in her stomach. She burped and felt like laughing. This was so stupid. She was half way through a bottle of vodka and drunk.

'**Im flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone."**

_Such a lightweight El_

_Pathetic aren't you can't even hold your drink well_

_You get drunk so easy if only you'd die that easy_

She couldn't do it, she couldn't ignore the voices any more, she needed to hear them no longer. Each word, each sentence was ripping her apart. She finished the bottle and threw it across the room and into a mirror with anger. The broken shards falling only made her cry harder and get more anxious. She walked over and looked in the mirror at herself. Her face was red and her eyes blood shot. She looked tired. She was just like the mirror, broken and unrepairable sure she could get a new one but that would mean throwing this one away, throwing herself away. She couldn't do that. She wouldn't let that happen. She couldn't.

Elsa kneeled down and tried to pick up the broken pieces but she couldn't. Her eyes were to blurry with her own salty tears. Tears that needed to be gone from her face but hell, Elsa was to drunk. Too over the line. She didn't know what she was doing. She was sad. She was a sad girl leading a happy girls life. A fake life. Her smile had become so forced she felt fake, she had to pinch herself to make sure she could feel. She felt like a doll, a ugly china doll that could walk and talk.

'**And the experts say I'm delirious.'**

She thought in her head, 'If you're going through hell, keep going.' Her breathing pace quickened she felt like the world was closing in, 'For you may get out before the devil knows your there.'

She ran, ran upstairs discarding all of the glass on the floor, it wasn't worth her time. She went into the bathroom and locked the door. Elsa crumpled into a ball sobbing into her arms, she never felt so worthless. She was weak, anything and everything triggered her. She hated it so much but she could not change it. She could never change it. Her heart ached for someone to hug her, to hold her close and tell her everything will be ok. To caress her marks and tell her she's beautiful but that is bullshit. It would never happen, never. Nobody liked the imperfections on someone's body. You had to be skinny, perfect, flawless and stunning, drop dead pretty. It was awful, the society was different nowadays. Elsa read books in history class and wished she lived in times like the 1970s, when everything was so easy.

'**My lungs give out as I face the crowd.'**

Maybe it was because she was tired that she pulled her blade out, she was tired. So bloody tired, tired of the same pattern everyday. The constant overwhelming schedule. It was always get up, work, go home, sleep. Boring, yet she had such trouble trying to do it everyday. She found it so difficult to get out of bed, to sleep, to work, to keep happy all day for her co workers and boss.

She dragged the metal blade across her arm, feeling the familiar rush and itch. The one she longed for. The rush made her happy, her little satan in a metal object. She felt the adrenaline rush up in her, maybe it was the drink and the crying but she kept at it. She attacked her skin like no other. She acted like she was itching her skin, slicing her arm's skin up until blood started to seep into her palm and down to her elbow. It was everywhere blood. She couldn't look anywhere without seeing it. But it didn't stop her. She kept cutting, each time she got deeper and deeper. She felt the familiar self loathing overwhelm her.

Stupid

Fat

Ugly

Pathetic

Worthless

Faggot

Cunt

She made mistakes in her life, maybe the biggest was tonight as she looked at her stomach and started to carve into in the simple three letter words that hit like a ton of bricks. She felt sick build in her throat and she leaned over the toilet throwing up, blood smeared onto the seat. It looked like a horror movie. Her blade was laying somewhere amongst the blood pools beginning to build. Her head felt like someone was hitting it with a hammer repeatedly. She held her head and cried softly. She tried to do it quietly so that she wouldn't have to be in anymore pain.

'**Give me therapy.'**

Black dots started to fill Elsa's vision, her breath hitched in her throat and she fell onto the floor on her side, banging her head in the floor. Then her world blackened out.

'**I'm a walking travesty, but I'm smiling at everything.'**


	5. Chapter 5

_CHAPTER FIVE _

_if I get one more pm saying "you don't know how Elsa is feeling stop acting like you know what depression/cutting is like" I swear to god I'll delete this whole bloody story. Like can you stop? Also I'd like to thank again everyone who reviews. A special thanks to Mahn and snowman (guest) your reviews had me so happy and I love them so much. Snowman, yours was so detailed and oh my god I was screaming and Mahn, you reviewed right as I was finishing this chapter and your so so amazing! You are beautiful trust me, not any of the things you said, if you ever want to talk message me :) _

_Sorry for the long Authors note! _

* * *

**"She planned ahead for a year, he said, "Let's play it by ear."**

When Elsa woke up she was laying on her couch, her arms were tightly bandaged and lay at her sides, her head ached. She groaned and tried to sit up but some heavy arms pushed her back into a laying position. Elsa opened her eyes not surprised to see the grey sky peeking in through the window. Clouds covered the sky, she'd give it around 5/8 orcas. She blinked a few times to clear her blurry vision and saw a familiar face looking at her. The brown hair, the dark eyes. Flynn was looking down at her smiling happily. She was about to ask him why he was smiling but she could only mutter out "water." And even then was it croaky.

**"She didn't want him to run, he didn't want her to fear"**

Flynn left her sight for a while. Whilst he was gone she sat up on the white cushions and rubbed her temples. Leaning her elbows on her knees. She heard Flynn's footsteps and looked up to him again. He kneeled down next to her and handed her a glass of cool water. Elsa drained it within seconds and then cleared her throat so she could speak clearly.

**"Nobody said it'd be easy, they knew it was rough. But, tough luck."**

"Why are you hear? What happened?" She looked around and found no evidence that she'd had a mental break down last night. The mirror was leaning next to the door frame with all the glass cleared up. Flynn chuckled with no humour, only confusion, sarcasm and pity.

"You want to know what happened? Okay. How about how I called you and you didn't answer, how I came down here to see the door open? Oh wait, this is my favourite part of the whole situation, how about how I walked into the bathroom to see my best friend laying in blood with cuts up and down her arms?" He ended up yelling at that point, he was so angry, so confused and sad.

**"I fell in love today, There aren't any words that you can say."**

He should have noticed, how she was reluctant to go to the beach, swimming, how her sleeves were always rolled down. He was angry, but not at Elsa, at himself. He looked at her and noticed her head was hanging down in despair. He spoke with a softer tone, "When I saw the door open, I knew something was wrong so I walked inside...

Flynn walked into the flat, everything was silent. He looked around and saw an empty vodka bottle laying half smashed in the middle of the combined dining room / lounge. Flynn picked it up and inspected it carefully looking over the label. It had light pink lipstick stains around the opening, drained. He shook his head and walked a little further and saw a smashed mirror and what seemed to be the other side of the smashed bottle. Flynn's heart started to beat faster in his chest and he ran down the corridor to Elsa's bedroom but it was empty, only a neatly made bed and furniture placed around the room. He walked into the bathroom and gasped. Flynn fell to his knees, his hands falling limp at his side. His eyes, that were now shining with tears, scanned the area.

Blood

So much blood.

He took in two deep breaths and tried to wipe the tears away but it was no use, new ones kept replacing the old ones. He just crawled forward and checked Elsa's pulse, it was still beating strong, he let out a sigh of relief and grabbed her wrists elevating her arms so the bleeding would stop and heal easier. He was remembered, memories flashed through his vision. He couldn't let it happen again. He ran to the cupboard pulling out a first aid kit. He took the lid off and grabbed some bandages and antiseptic. He got a cloth and wet it, he then wiped her arms down and rubbed some antiseptic on her cuts. He winced when he felt Elsa flinch a little, but he sighed thankfully that she was indeed alive. After he bandaged her arms up and picked her up. He walked down stairs and laid her on the couch and put her arms above her head to keep the cuts from bleeding again. He went to work on cleaning the bathroom and mirror. When he finished he checked her pulse and smiled when he noticed it was at the normal beat. She was okay.

R

**"That could ever get my mind to change. She's enough for me, she's in love with me."**

"How did you know what to do?" Elsa asked, baffled by what she had heard. She was a mess the previous night, out of her mind. She would never have done that sober. Maybe she was crazy, mental, insane. But no, she reminded herself, she was normal, she was fine, she was okay.

"Because five years ago I stumbled into the same scene, only I was too late." Flynn said quietly breathing in and out deeply. He kept on thinking, what if he was too late again. What if she died then and there? But it was okay, because it didn't happen she was fine, she was safe.

**"You're a doll, you are flawless. But I just can't wait for love to destroy us."**

"Oh." It was all Elsa could think to say, she had made in relive something he didn't want to forget. She felt bad, terrible.

"Elsa...just why? How are you feeling?" Flynn asked sitting down next to Elsa on the sofa. She smiled slightly and turned to face him.

"I'm fine, I mean sometimes I am just scared or panicked. But I'm fine, if you don't count hatred towards yourself, the horrible fear of something big about to happen, the not sleeping. The panic attacks have been worse but it's all fine. I'm surprised I didn't die earlier actually." She laughed trying to make the topic lighter. It didn't seem to work because Flynn looked at her sadly, annoyed and disappointed.

"

She mentally groaned, disappointment was the worst thing to have someone feel about you. Flynn squeezed the knee closest to him and hit it lightly.

"Get changed, I know I know 'why I just woke up' but you don't want to be fired." He said, Elsa got up and was about to leave to go to her room but he stopped her, "Look I know you never wanted me to find out but it's probably for the best you know. This conversation is not over but don't worry, I won't tell anyone, just, no more secrets okay?" He asked, Elsa looked at him, guilt flooding her veins. She smiled though,

**"I just can't wait for love The only flaw – you are flawless."**

"No more secrets."

Elsa changed into a black skirt, white jumper and her familiar black and white Katz. (They are really nice shoes btw look them up) She sighed and looked in the mirror, she felt better, more refreshed. Maybe she was just bipolar or had MPD but she felt better. Like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She had told someone, well not really, but someone knew the gist of it. It was better then sneaking around. She smiled and put a thin layer of mascara on before walking out to see Flynn leaning against the door, he grinned up at her.

**"But I just can't wait for love to destroy us. I just can't wait for love."**

"Let's go El."

Flynn and Elsa walked into the building she had a small smile on her face, she took her coat off and put it on the coat rack humming a little tune she had stuck in her head. She looked around and saw only Jack and Astrid huddled over something, she crossed her eyebrows and went over to them. Elsa peeked over their shoulders she saw a maths sheet, probably Astrid's she was the only one who literally took math questions off the internet and solved them. She sighed quietly to not disturb them but she couldn't, help it. So she did it.

**"So, she put his heart in a bag, he wouldn't ask for it back."**

"The answers 288, you know." She blurted out making Jack squeal, he jumped around five feet in the air, Elsa giggled at his reaction but composed herself and placed a hand on her hip.

"I'm not surprised you said that."Jack smirked, composing himself. Astrid punched his shoulder and tried to stop herself from laughing too. Astrid and Elsa both knew it was some little thing he cocky shit head had planned. Elsa decided to play along.

**"He didn't want her to cry, she didn't want to be sad."**

"How come?" She asked almost mockingly but Jack didn't notice. It seemed like he was determined to get something or do something. Either way it scared Elsa a little bit because Jack never ha deny thing good up his sleeve. She looked down at him to find him staring up at her.

"Because I asked it to get your attention." Jack murmured to her, she looked at his eyes and found herself amazed by the light blue mixing with golden flecks. The contrast of the two colours made a almost hypnotising Ora about it, she could get lost in them for hours. Elsa felt Flynn tap her shoulder knocking her out of her little "daze"

"You have the intelligence of a donkey." She scoffed folding her arms, she could help but notice the quick glacé Jack gave to her wrist, the one where the bruise was. Was Jack worried? Probably not, she was just over thinking again, like a lot of the time but who didn't over think things?

**"She said, "You better not leave me."."**

"Donkeys are smart right." Jack asked with a frown, his eyebrows were scrunched together and he gave her a little pout. Astrid elbowed Jack again laughing at his stupidity, nobody seemed to want to tell him anything so Elsa stepped up, metaphorically.

"Oh Jack, honey, no." Elsa made a quick "tut" ing noise and rubbed his shoulde exaggerating to make a point, that Jack was in fact a donkey. Jack huffed playfully and made his lips into a straight line pushing them. He looked at Elsa grinning.

"Fine but you'll be proud of my donkey brain one day." He laughed lightly. Elsa couldn't help but smile slightly. She felt Flynn behind her and saw in the corner of her eye, Rupunzel and Hiccup enter, they were squeezing their hair and shaking their coats. Rupunzel had an umbrella and was shaking the water droplets off. She quickly took a look outside it was now raining crazily. Outside was dark clouds and some clashes of thunder. Elsa wouldn't be surprised if lightening came.

"One day too soon." She whispered in his ear then turned on her heel walking towards the employees room. Flynn and Astrid had left both Jack and Elsa alone at this point and were helping Rupunzel and Hiccup. She smirked when she heard Jack's chair scrape against the wooden floor, North was going to be annoyed if he found scratches on the floor from the chair.

"I'm sure El I'm sure." Jack called after her. She looked over her shoulder laughing and saw Jack sitting on the table with a weird stick in his hand, it was long and browns with blue and white tints in it. The end was fashioned into a strange arch, she couldn't help but wonder where he had got it from so quickly, she admired it a little too, his ability to collect things quick.

"This shit'll be fucked for days and weeks and months, but..."

"Yes you are Jack, yes you are." She yelled back over her shoulder to him. She didn't wait for a response before going into the break room and putting her apron on and sitting on a couch taking deep breaths, she didn't even need to do so, she just felt like doing it so she did. She was tired, so so tired. She thought for a second before deciding to take a quick nap. She leaned her head against the arm rest nuzzling her head into her hands and drifted of, taking a quick nap.

When she woke up she felt more relaxed and at ease, a thin blanket had been draped over her and a little pillow under her head. Elsa stretched and sat up rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands. She didn't even notice that Jack and Hiccup were looking at her from the couch opposite the one she was on. She yawned and ran a hand threw her hair, well the loose strands from her low pony tail. She opened her eyes wider and smiled to Hiccup and Jack finally seeing them.

**"Your a doll you are flawless."**

"How long did I sleep for?" She asked, Jack laughed and walked over plopping next to her, missing her feet by a millimetre.

"Only an hour, don't worry your not in trouble, Flynn told North you had a rough night so he let you be for a while." Hiccup explained walking forward and leaning in the arm rest. She nodded and folded the blanket up placing it next to her. She yawned again this time silently. Hastily she moved a hand in front of her mouth so people wouldn't see but the two boys laughed and poked her sides. She laughed with them feeling content, happy.

Sadly happiness doesn't seem to last forever, it goes as fast as it comes. For within seconds Elsa felt the dread pick up on her life. She was waiting a table, there was a mum and dad with two little girls, it reminded her of her family. The four people, the family that were perfect, the happy ones. Well until the accident of course.

**"But I just can't wait for love to destroy us."**

"I'm sorry could you repeat that?" She asked, to busy daydreaming to notice the father was ordering. He just smiled and waved his hand smiling widely. Elsa noticed that his other hand was gripping his wife's, maybe to show he was taken Elsa didn't know.

"Yes can we have two lasagnes and two kids bolognese please. Also two lemonades, one coke and one beer please." The man asked, Elsa nodded and walked away her mind hammering, chest becoming so tight it was sickening. Flynn seemed to notice almost straight away and ran over to Elsa who was panting pm her breathing had quickened and tears formed in her eyes. He guided her away from the restaurant and into the break room. She fell onto a wall and slid down it clutching herself,

"I-I think I'm ha-having a panic-ic att-attack." She stuttered, her head and chest ached and Flynn stood up pacing the room worried he didn't know what to do. His mind clicked.

"Elsa I need you to talk to me okay? Tell me exactly what you did when you graduated school." He said quickly kneeling in front of her grabbing her shoulders genially. She shook her head rapidly and let out a gasp of air, sucking air in quickly again, it repeated itself until Elsa managed to say something.

**"I just can't wait for love."**

"I-I got up and dressed, I showered and spent ages making myself look good, when I finished I walked to my school and saw some people I knew and talked to them about well everything," She didn't notice it but her breathing had decreased fast, she was almost completely normal again except her was still shaking ands pro king back and forth, "Then I did the whole graduation thing and here I am now, I'm here I want to be, where I should be." She finished, she was only silent for a few seconds before she smiled in amazement. The attack was over thanks too Flynn she grabbed him into a tight hug. She didn't want to let go but she did and stood up with shaky legs.

"I need time off." She said before leaving Flynn alone in the break room whilst she was in search for North.

"Hello North." Elsa asked walking into his office, he looked up from the paper work in front of him and clasped his hands together looking at her, a small smile playing on the edges of his lips.

"Yes El?" He asked, Elsa flicked with her fingers and looked up at North then back down to her fingers. She was scared to say it but she did anyway.

**"Your a flaw- you are flawless."**

"I was wondering if I could get the rest of the week off, " she asked quickly, North must have understood and listened because he shook his head and typed in some stuff on the keyboard or keyboard.

"Oh let me check," he muttered and continued checking he

Is email."Yah for a week only though. Why?" He asked, Elsa was beyond shocked, she didn't think she get that far. She thought he'd say no, not asked for treasure and money.

"Oh urm my sister is sick so she needs to be cared for and our parents are out of town." Elsa said in an almost robotic way, it was forceful and scary but she said it anymore.

"Oh okay, I hope she gets better soon." He smiled to her leaning over and squeeze her shoulder. She felt instantly better and more happy.

**"But I just can't wait for love to destroy us."**

"Thanks North." She waved at hi leaving the office happily. She had got. Week off, some time to collect herself and hell herself without people bugging in or telling her what to do

"Your welcome Elsa."

**"I just can't wait for love."**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

*Originally this was in Elsa's Point of view but I re-wrote it to be in Jacks

Hiii! I've updated bits that made no sense, bare with me, I wrote this when I was near asleep.*

**'I'm no superman, I can't take your hand.'**

Jack stretched his muscles and opened his eyes, blinded by the raging sun he closed them back up again and let out a load groan, boy did he hate mornings. He wished to himself that he could just skip work and lay in bed all day. His mind snapped awake, work. Crap, he looked at the alarm clock by his bed and saw the time. 8:30.

"Shit!" He yelled as he threw the duvet off himself and ran to his wardrobe pulling out a white V-neck and black jeans. He took in a deep breath and pulled the clothes on, not bothering to change the boxers he was wearing, he had changed them yesterday so therefore they were clean enough to wear. He buttoned up his jeans and pulled some simple black trainers on with no socks. He hated socks, they smelt disgusting, they were uncomfortable and kept your feet so enclosed and it felt claustrophobic. Don't even get him started on how much he hates jeans.

Jack looked at the time again, 8:35, he'd done that quicker than he had expected. He noted down in his head that he had around ten minutes till he needed to leave then walked downstairs. There was a note on the fridge, Jack walked over to it and picked it up reading it.

_'Jack,_

_I've gone to work and left a few nutrition bars in the cupboard (?) Eat them before the others wake up…if they do wake up. And try to wake up before 8…if you can._

_North '_

Jack rolled his eyes when reading it, North was tired when writing it, he could tell by the way his handwriting was rushed and loopy, plus there was a drop of drool on the bottom of the note. Plus what he wrote didn't even make much sense. Jack dropped the note in the bin and walked to the cupboard collecting a single nutrition bar with a sigh and walked into the hallway and saw the familiar brown, wooden door. He smiled and opened it grabbing the long stick in his hand. He pulled it out and ran his hand over the patterns and tapped the floor gently. Immediately the floor was coated in a thin layer of frost. Jack smiled and put the G shaped stick back into the cupboard under the stair then walked to the door.

"Off to work I guess." Jack muttered slamming the door behind him.

**'And fly you anywhere, You want to go.'**

Jack walked into the restaurant carefully and slowly so that nobody could notice he was late. Thankfully nobody did as nobody was even in the main room. 'Probably all in the kitchen eating,' Jack thought to himself, he laughed at his own joke and walked into the kitchen only seeing Flynn, Rapunzel, Hiccup and Astrid

"Hey Flynn." Jack said, not in the mood to talk to the others. Flynn looked at him a little confused but waved slightly and replied.

"Oh hi Jack." He muttered coolly, Jack laughed slightly and looked around. He noticed how the room was quieter and less crowded, a certain little beauty was missing. Jack turned back to Flynn and raised an eyebrow.

"Is Elsa in today," He asked, Jack grinned to himself before making an annoying click noise with his mouth "Or Nah."

"I, like anyone in the world, hate it when you do that. But no she isn't why?" Flynn questioned curiously. He leaned against the counter top and bit his lip whilst pressing them into a straight line. Jack looked down and wondered why he was being so stubborn to him. Jack let out an annoyed sigh. He couldn't help but grin slightly and he felt heat raise to his cheeks, he was blushing.

"Do you know why she isn't in?" He asked again, his voice more agitated and stern, Flynn raised his hands in mock defense, smiling like an idiot.

**'I can't read your mind, Like a billboard sign.'**

"No, well yes." Flynn said unsure completely, he knew only kinda why he wasn't in, not the full reason. Whenever he thought back to what she said he shivers, he has a gut feeling she was lying but if she was, it was hard to tell and she was good.

"Why then?" Jack leaned on the counter next to Flynn and twirled a fork he'd picked up from the side with his fingers. Jack looked and saw that Astrid and Rapunzel had left the room and that Hiccup was helping the cook, Kronk, cook. Jack looked back to Flynn with a smile.

"Something about her sister being ill, I don't know but I'm checking up on her after work if you want to come?" Flynn responded, Jack thought for a second. Maybe he should go, it'll be fun to annoy Elsa with his presence, it was obvious she got extremely annoyed and pissed off with him. Jack made a humming noise and tapped his nose deep in thought. He squinted his eyes and tilted his head to the side. It could be fun to show up without warning, like a surprise party. But without balloons, people, cake without everything you need for one except the element of surprise is still there. Jack stood up quickly grinning.

**'And tell you everything, You want to hear,'**

"No, it's okay. Maybe if I'm in the mood." Jack said before running off in the direction of North's office. Flynn rolled his eyes as he watched Jack's retreating body walk into the bosses office.

"Weird boy." He muttered to himself before going off to the tables to take some orders.

When Jack entered the office, North was tapping a pencil against the desk, a bored expression on his face. Who could blame him? Business wasn't as busy as normal this week and North needed to figure out why. North looked up to Jack and a bright smile appeared on his face.

"Ah! Jack sit down my boy. What can I do for you?" North smiled, his Russian accent standing out. Jack sat down and just grinned. He chuckled softly to himself and then leaned forward on the desk, pulling the chair into it with his feet. North stared at Jack waiting for him to say something and finally he did.

"North, I want to ask you a question..."

**'I'll be your hero, I can be everything you need.'**

Jack knocked on the door with the golden 221 imprinted on it. Jack waited until he saw the door open. Elsa was standing there, her hair loose around her shoulders and she was wearing only an over-sized, baggy jumper that reached the top of her knees and fell of one of her shoulders, the sleeves of her jumper was bunched up and she held them tightly in her fists. He looked at her then studied her face, which was surprised.

"Jack? What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice delicate and light. She ran a hand threw her hair and pulled the jumper so it wouldn't cling to her petite body. Jack noted all these things in his head. You can tell a person by their actions. Even the toughest and most mysterious people were easy to read. He looked at her collar and noticed that is stick out a little more than it did three weeks ago. He wasn't a pervert, he was simply an observant person, he liked to notice the beauty in people, so he couldn't help but admire the beauty in front of him that was Elsa. He shook his head and looked at her face. The careful bone structure. High cheekbones, bright blue eyes and thick long lashes, thin pink lips and platinum blonde hair that ever so nearly reached her tiny waist.

"I came to see if you were okay. I mean you weren't at work so.." He trailed off, not knowing what to say or do. This was normally the part he was bad at. Talking to someone after them saying hello. Well, in this case, nobody had said hello but instead went straight to the point, he kinda admired that in a woman. The ability to take control of the situation. Elsa frowned at first but quickly put on her normal straight, emotionless face.

"She's fine, just resting in bed." She lied, Jack knew she was lying. It was in her body language. The way she wouldn't meet his eye and he foot was shuffling on the floor, he thumbs kept twirling around themselves which had distracted Jack from the point. Jack decided to have a little…fun with the situation.

"Oh really?" He teased dragging on the act a little longer then he was meant to, "Can I see her then?" He grinned proudly looking down at Elsa. He never notice their height difference before, she had to be around 5'8 whilst he was a 6'2. Four inches difference. He didn't even know why it interested him but it did. Elsa looked panicked for a split second before she turned and walked into her flat not bothering to look at Jack. He took it as an open invitation and walked inside closing the door behind him with a slight bang. Elsa sighed and sat down on her sofa leaning forward. Jack sat next to her but was leaning against the arm.

"Okay you got me, Ana's not sick." She sighed in defeat. Jack was surprised at how quickly she had given up, most people would have tried to keep it on longer, maybe by saying she was "too sick" too see anyone or that it was very "contagious". But Elsa snapped straight away, it told him a lot about her already. No questions asked.

"Okay, I won't tell anyone." He offered, he looked at her and she smiled widely, Jack noticed the slight crinkles that formed around her eyes when she smiled, Jack admired it, my god did he like that smile.

"Really?" She asked. Jack nodded and reached his arms out, Elsa was hesitant but embraced him, she winced when he touched her waist and relaxed when he touched her shoulder blades. It was typical boundaries that Jack was to discover. Everyone had them. He had just found one of hers.

**'If you're the one for me, like gravity I'll be unstoppable.'**

"So, why, if your sister isn't ill, are you off work?" Jack quizzed, Elsa sighed and looked at him for a second and Jack saw the hesitance in her eyes. Her breath hitched in her throat. He scrunched his eyebrows together and waited for her reply.

"I was just really tired and hung over, I needed to have some time for me. You understand right?" She responded quietly, Jack looked at her adoringly. For him it was adorable, all she needed was glasses and she had the package. Jack ignored it though and nodded.

"Yeah I know what you mean." Jack nodded harshly and Elsa shuffled so she was facing him. They smiled to each other and then Jack looked down at the back of her hand.

**'I, yeah, I believe in destiny, I may be an ordinary guy.'**

"Hey, how is that bruise doing?" He asked looking for it but there was no sign it had ever been there. He was half relieved and half worried. It was strange, sure Jack had known and been with a lot of woman but nobody, none of them, made Jack feel as worried as he was for Elsa most of the time. She was someone special. And my god did Jack like it.

**'With heart and soul, But if you're the one for me.'**

"It's okay, all gone now. Back to normal." Elsa accounted, pointing to where the bruise had been. Jack made an 'ah-ha' noise and crossed his legs, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Elsa let out a small smile and put her hands back down to her sides.

"How did you get it again, I forgot." Jack asked, he knew the answer, he just wanted to see if he could catch Elsa out on a lie, to make sure she wasn't lying when she said that she'd trapped it in her car door. Elsa kept calm a face but inside she was dying.

"Trapped it in a car door." She retorted quickly, Jack nodded and remembered what Flynn had said about coming over, he wished that he never said he was coming round or decided to not come because he was having a fun talking to Elsa. He enjoyed it.

"Oh Elsa Flynn is coming over after his shift." Jack informed her; she looked at him with a face that held confusion and surprise.

**'Searching high and low, Trying every road.'**

"Wow, I should have expected that." She sighed, leaning onto her hand and smiling to Jack. Jack chuckled and shifted his position. He moved so most of his back was on the sofa arm and he was facing her more,

"Yeah I guess." He spluttered out. That was how they spent the rest of the day. Talking about anything and everything. Jack was surprised at how easily the conversation went. He had expected a lot of awkward silences and awkward laughs but there were none shared between them. Sadly the day was coming to an end, Flynn was going to be there in fifteen minutes. Jack stood up and smiled at Elsa. She walked him to the door and they shook hands.

"It was a pleasure talking to you Elsa, we should talk again soon." He offered, he held a finger out quickly to stop her from saying anything and handed her his phone, "Add your number love then text yourself." He told her calmly. She nodded and did so adding her number to his phone and texting from it. She laughed and handed his phone back.

"Here." She smiled and found herself hugging Jack again, Jack wrapped his arms around her shoulders remembering how she flinched if her touched her waist. He would never understand the while deal with waists and women. Elsa nuzzled her face into his shoulder and let out a long breath, they pulled away and Elsa waved at Jack until he hated walked out of sight, only then did she finally decided she needed to go back to sleep, her mind was sloppy and slow, plus her eyes were closing and felt heavy, She took a quick thirty minute nap and woke up. Flynn still wasn't here. She sat on the sofa curled up in a blanket, watching TV whilst waiting for her friend to knock at her door.

**'I'll put my trust in fate, That you will come my way.' **

It had been an hour since Jack left, Elsa was half happy and half disappointed, she really liked talking to Jack but he was probably doing it for his father, as he was the boss. There was a familiar rhythmic knock that played on the door. Elsa opened the door and saw Flynn stand there awkwardly.

"Hey, come in." She offered and took him into the lounge. The sat down next to each other and looked at each other a few times, Flynn held Elsa's hand and glanced down at it, there were no new looking cuts. Thank god.

"Okay." Flynn replied once happy with is discovery. Elsa looked at him confused but shook it off and pulled her hand out of his.

**'And if it's right, It's undeniable.'**

Over time Elsa started to notice how Flynn would always look at her wrists. She was piecing it all together, oh dear god.

"Why do you keep glancing at my wrist?" She asked praying silently that he wasn't and that she was just imagining it. Elsa had a terrified look on her features. She was done with everyone worrying about her. She needed to get somewhere where she is safe.

"No reason." Flynn tried to play it off all cool but failed miserably. Elsa slapped her forehead twice with the back of her hand. She stood up and started to pace the room muttering random things to herself. She groaned and sat on the edge of her coffee table.

"Oh my god." She whispered, putting a hand on her mouth only lowering it to talk to Flynn.

"What?" Flynn asked completely confused, Elsa shook her head is disprovable and disappointment. Elsa just thought he was acting innocent but he genuinely was confused.

"You think I did it again! Stop worrying over me I'm fine!" Elsa tried to convince them but because of society you can't convince anyone, it is easy to tell the difference between an openly depressed teen, and a closed up depressed people. But no, Elsa was fine, she has been fine and will always be fine.

**'So incredible, Some kind of miracle.'**

"You're not fine Elsa! People who are fine don't hack up their skin!" Flynn said loudly, his voice straining against his vocal chords.

"Who are you to judge what 'fine' people do?" Elsa interrogated Flynn, he let out an exhausted sigh and, with a red face and heavy voice yelled at her.

"Better then you too, Elsa can't you see you are not fine. You have a problem that needs fixing!" He couldn't help it, it hurt him to see someone he cared about wasting away, he couldn't let it happen again.

"I do not have a problem" Elsa replied stubborn crossing her arms and ankles, hooking them into one and forcefully blinking her eyes.

**'When it's meant to be, I'll become a hero.'**

"Please Elsa, you need to understand this will only get worse until you commit or decide to fix yourself." Flynn pleaded looking into her eyes and saw the tears rising but not falling, it was like she didn't even care anymore.

"I don't need "fixing" I am fucking fine." Elsa shouted in his face she stormed halfway down the hallway, when Flynn punched a wall, so much for keeping calm. Elsa jumped in shock at the anger that had suddenly erupted from her friend.

"Oh my god, this is so frustrating! Elsa you're in denial." Flynn accused, Elsa frowned and a pissed look took over she upset and confused face, she wasn't just angry, she was livid.

"Denial from what?" Elsa screamed, stamping her foot on the ground in annoyance and anger, her breathing had increased rapidly she felt like her heart was going into overload but she was to upset and angry to care.

**'So I'll wait, wait, Wait, wait for you.'**

"Denial that you need help." Flynn stated calmly, trying not to stay put together and not cry at the sight of his broken friend. The beautiful girl in front of him with a broken soul. Elsa looked down at the floor.

"Get out, leave my flat." She announced pointing to the door down the hall. Flynn looked at her in surprise and shock. He shook his head harshly. Gasping for fresh air he stepped forward to only have Elsa take a long step back.

"Elsa!"

"No Flynn just please leave." She begged. With that he turned on his heel and walked to the door looking one last time at Elsa before walking outside and gently closing the door behind him. Elsa ran to her room and flung herself on her bed letting the tears fall, it took only a few minutes before she was full out sobbing. She was shutting out her best friend, right when she needed him. She needs him. She wished she didn't make him leave.

**'I'll be your hero.'**


	7. Chapter 7

I'm sorry that this is so short! Also sorry for not updating sooner, may update once a week! Still sorry!

* * *

_**"I think I've found hell."**_

The frost on the window built up with every passing second, frost in Summer. An unlikely event but the weather had been playing tricks for the past few weeks. Outside the windows children ran around in the streets, playing with their friends, whilst their parents were running after their children, yelling for them to put on a coat. Yet ever so quickly, all of that was interrupted, silenced against the blazing song of restaurant phone. Her gaze was restaurant away from the window and onto her mobile. She tentatively reached out and pressed the accept button, seeing her bosses name sprawled across the screen. She raised the phone to her ear,

"Elsa?" North's accented voice became the only thing she paid attention too, she leant her head against the window and smiled as if talking to an old friend. After weeks of ignoring the world and crying she finally felt numb. It had gotten to the point where she would stare at the wall with watery eyes and hope to cry, feel like she crying, yet no tears would fall. She became scared, she feared herself more then she had hoped. Elsa tugged on her sweater's sleeved and rolled them up, trying to keep from looking at the disgusting red marks the cuts had left behind, some had started to turn white whilst the ones nearer her wrist had nearly completely faded, something she was thankful for.

_**"I think I've found something."**_

"Hello." She replied with a hoarse voice, she was barely using it, she'd lost the will to do anything, let alone speak and it was the least of her worries anyway.

"You haven't been to work in a while. If you don't come in tomorrow, I'm afraid I'll have to give you the sack." He sighed loudly, you could hear the customers in the background, it sounded busy, no wonder he wanted her to come back, he just need the help.

"Oh I'm sorry, I"l be in tomorrow, promise." Elsa muttered quietly into the receiver. She remembered Ana hadn't asked her how she was, but she remembered how Ana would hate her to the grave. Jesus at this rate she would be sent to the lowest circle of hell.

"Okay sweetheart, are you alright?" Norths voice broke through her rambling thoughts. She almost laughed, was she alright? No. God she needed help.

_**'I think I've found something in my TV Screen'**_

"I'm good, I've been doing okay." She replied simply. She remembers when life was as simple as that sentence, she missed it.

"Okay, see you tomorrow then?" He asked, she nodded before remembering that he couldn't see her. She did that a lot.

"Yes." Her voice cracked as she hung the phone up and let it fall from her grip and onto the floor.

_**'I think I've found out, that I have nothing.'**_

Still she didn't move, her mind fixated on nothing, she saw blank. Her mind was with the planets. Storms took over everything within her, she had no control, her body was weak compared to the overwhelming waves of nothingness. It was the worst feeling, being drowned by nothing. There were hands everywhere on her, her heart, her legs, her arms, her waist, and all dragging her down.

Elsa's dainty hands were clutching for journal, well it seconded as a book. She wrote down little story's about her thoughts to help control her feelings. For instance if you opened it up to page twenty-six you would find:

_'There's a boy and he makes me want to smile again sometimes and I'm a mess and sometimes I want to drown the entire world in sea salt and disappear to live on the moon and I'll pack my bags and live on the moon I don't need anything other than a radio to sing along to songs in the dark. I don't know if it'll work but I'll be like the boy who swam to the oceans edge and I'll become on with the stars and maybe I'll feel less hopeless.'_

_**'That I have nothing in this place for me.'**_

It was a part two for another dabble:

_'There's a boy who swam to the edge of the world. It rained all day and he thought he was drowning under the floods, but he kept going, even until his arms ached. He fought the sharks and he swam with dolphins and he learned to breathe under water, but as he became one with the sea, he found he only wanted the land. He kept swimming, though, closer and closer to the edge of the world to find the source of sunlight and a reason to breathe and how surprised he was to fine that at the ocean's edge, a waterfall only pulled him down into further currents. He spent years underneath the sea, singing to the stars reflecting down onto the oceans floor. But it gets lonely when your only company are the fish that scatter at the sight if you. He reached the surface on day, but when he climbed onto the shore, he found that his throat closed up and eyes bulged out, and he discovered that in trying to find the land, he'd become one with the sea.'_

She wasn't going to deny the fact that they were both written on behalf of Jack. Writing made her feel like a child again.

She remembered being a child, so simple so easy. Not a care in the world as she had wondered through the world only seeing the good. The evil masked by a fake shadow and smile.

Children, small creatures with hopes and dream covering their arms and chest. So full of beauty and wonder. But when you hit twelve, it changes just like when your parents ask, your teacher asked, everybody fucking asks the same question "What do you want to be when you grow up."

At twelve, you are too old to say "I want to be a princess." Or "I want to be an astronaut." So (in Elsa's class) everyone's answers consisted of actresses, singers, dancers, nurses. Most people wanted to be heroes and Elsa found herself wondering whether or not any of them were.

Elsa had wanted to be a journalist, she wanted it so badly. You do, when your young, bright blue eyed, skin filled with love and hopes and dreams. There'd been enough love to drown the world, over and over and over again.

Elsa's heart seemed incapable of love, sure she had things she liked to a certain extent. She liked curling up in freshly washed bedsheets after a hot bath, she liked releasing her pain to the sharpest objects nearest her. She liked her friend, Flynn, and liked the idea of a clean flat, with everything in it's place.

_**'I watched it all in my head,'**_

She never used to be sad. In fact, that word wasn't even in her vocabulary.

It was a vary difficult thing to explain, depression. She still hasn't become accustomed to calling it that. She's not sure she ever will, because even when the doctor told her, it didn't feel real. It's like, it's not just that you're tired, and it's not just that you're sad, you're ill. And that's it, its kind of it.

_**'Perfect sense, don't take me from my bed.'**_

Elsa really liked beautiful things, that's why Jack seemed to catch her eye so much. So its no wonder really why he caught her attention so much.

Because he really was an example of a beautiful thing. His light blonde hair that always lay messily on the top of his head, his blue eyes that reflected a stunning lake, somehow, for some reason. The wrinkles that formed around his nose and eyes as he laughed at something Hiccup or North had said.

He was a beautiful boy, trapped within a small restaurant, walls filled to the brim with greyness and bright lights. He was happiness closed within the sadness. He was the beam of light in a heart of darkness. And no matter how much or hard she'd tried to not think of him, she always did. So she accepted that she found him beautiful. After all she found many things beautiful, the flowers that bloomed in spring, a baby's laugh. Many things.

_**"Just take me instead, that TV show."**_

Elsa finally found the will to move from her position on the window seat. She stumbled out of her room, journal still in hand. After passing Ana's room she halted in her footsteps, the door was open and she saw Ana laying on her bed reading a book and listening to music with her earphones. She was oblivious to the fact that Elsa was looking at her, with a sigh, Elsa continued to the kitchen and sat on the counter. She got a glass from the drying up rack and filled it with water, gulping it down trying to calm the rumbling of her stomach. She noticed her sleeves were still rolled up and pulled them down quickly, yet she forgot she had a glass.

Elsa watched as the glass fell to the floor with a crash, she gasped and jumped out of shock. A rumble of footsteps thundered towards the kitchen and Ana looked in. She scanned Elsa's position and sighed tip toeing over to where the dust pan and brush was kept, careful to avoid the glass, she keeled down and brushed the small pieces of glass up. Elsa bit her lip,

_**"Don't tell them anything, anything please."**_

"I can do it." She hesitated, reaching forward. Ana rolled her eyes and gave the equipment to Elsa, with that she left the room. Elsa cleaned the floor from the disaster that accured earlier, jeez she could not stop fucking up could she?

Elsa had just finished hoovering the floor when the door bell rang. She yawned tiredly and strolled over to the door. After opening it, she felt every emotion she'd felt a few weeks prior. Flynn stood there, hands in his pockets and head down. She cleared her throat and almost immediately he looked up and declared,

"I'm so sorry, I was being stupid and over reacted. I'm so sorry." He waited a few seconds to look at Elsa's reaction. Her face was hard but softened soon enough at his facial expression.

"Its fine, it was a stupid day, yet...it doesn't matter, its the past now." She stuttered and held her hand up to give hand motions whilst she talked. She smiled slightly at thw thought of her friend being back, jesus was she thankful and happy to have him.

"Good, now come her and give me a hug." He laughed, opening his arms wide ready to embrase her.

And Elsa does, heaving out a sigh, but she doesn't really mean it because Flynn is kind of the best friend in the entire world. She turns over, facing Flynn and allows a pair of arms to wrap around her skinny frame. Its familiarity and its comforting, and Elsa gives in completely, letting her body lax against Flynn's. Her face is buried in the crook of his shoulder, and Flynn's hands travel to her back, moving in comforting circles as if to remind Elsa through physical contact that he is here and he exists and so does Elsa. That they're still alive, moving in motion with the Earth and the moon. Elsa's at home and for once her mind it at peace from everything, Flynn's body protecting her from the dark thoughts that haunted her mind's shadows. She feels rested.

_**'We're gonna die, die, die.'**_

"You're gonna be alright yeah?" Flynn mumbles, "You're gonna be alright. I promise."

_**'Die, die, die, die. We're gonna die, die, die, die, die."**_

"M'yeah," Elsa yawns. "I will, I know. I hope."

_**"I think I've found love."**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you guys, seriously I love you all. I kinda expected no one to remember the story at this point. Yes the song in the last chapter was Female Robbery by The Neighbourhood (they're ever so good) and for the guest, that review was beautifully written can I just say! But no, rape wasn't going to be where the story's heading, its a mear warning for a conversation later in the chapter, but I took what you said seriously and I really agree with you, its like the same story written in different points of view and time zones. Thanks so much for all the reviews, I made this chapter long for you all! Longest thing I've ever written. The song in this chapter is The Devil Within - The Digital Daggers.**

**Also guys add me on kik (jeff_jack) I wanna chat to you guys! **

* * *

*WARNING - Mentions of Rape*

_**"I will keep quiet, you won't even know I'm here,"**_

Elsa found herself that night falling asleep wrapped in a blank on the couch. Her arms cradling her face whilst she dreamt. Her dreams were peaceful tonight, maybe it was the fact that Flynn had stayed with her, talking until around 5pm, at the time Elsa fell asleep. Flynn had made a make shift bed in the couch and wrapped her up in a blanket before leaving her in peace. It was then that he noticed the blue book covered in snowflakes laying on the floor in a crumpled position. He quietly walked over and picked it up. He shouldn't have done it. But he was mesmerised by the scrawny handwriting that plagued the pages. Little quotes and phrases were written neatly as well as many entries. Flynn's breath hitched whilst he read,

"Hello (I'm not sure how to start this, still after many entries)

Its as if I look like a cardboard box that everyone can dispose of. I'm not even sure how I'm meant to feel about this. Anyway, I now have full custody over Ana, if only she could forgive me. The way she acts, its so morbid. Anyway it's strange. One minute we'll have a great conversation, next she's ignoring me, or giving me dirty looks or just staring. I've never been so uncomfortable in my own skin. I have no excuses I guess. But since the...event took place people scare me.

Sometimes, when I was younger, I would prey that someone would kidnap me, I wanted to be kidnapped. Even if it meant getting the occasional beating or something. I would never run from them, I'd stay, stay with them until they freed me, maybe even I'll beg to still be with them. But, even at that young age, darkness was consuming me. Its scary, if I'm honest.

_**"You won't suspect a thing, you won't see me in the mirror,"**_

You would never have expected this, because. Once upon a time I was happy, the life in the room of lost souls. I'd smile like the world was my oyster. I smiled so much, laugh so much.

Anyway, that's all I can think of to say, so I guess, see you next time?

Goodbye'

Flynn bit his lip in concentration, so many emotions were noted, along with a number on each entry, the number would range from 1 to 10 never higher then the occasional eleven. Some pages had smears of scarlet blood, some had drops of blood. Yet the drops had something different. There were calculations written around them. The angle and height was written neatly underneath each blood spatter. Flynn frowned, what was this? He turned the page and found a small story written:

'There was a little girl who had a frozen heart, she sat all day and turned things away. Just sat there looking smart. The ice inside her heart had spread to her frozen brain, since that day her whole life, could never be the same. She sat their feeling lonely, crying everyday. Wishing that somebody would come to her and stay. She shot out and icy blast that covered the entire house, but soon one day, a small stray helped her getting out. And now the frozen hearted girl would run around with a smile, because, that day, she found her way and found warmth in her icy heart.'

Flynn stared, shocked at the small story, when in all honesty it was more poetic then story like.

**_"But I've kept into your heart you can't make me disappear,"_**

Flynn placed the book back into it's awkward position, not trusting himself to hold it in his grasp for any longer. He wondered if Elsa had ever told someone her feeling, the ones she kept under lock and key in her brain, by the looks of it, she didn't even trust herself to write them onto paper, but he saw the sense in it. Anyone, such as himself, could pick it up and read it. Thoughts weren't safe, but no matter what, saying them wasn't safe and keeping them to yourself wasn't safe. Saying them out loud would give someone the power to control you, get if you keep them to yourself, it eats you alive and tears you apart. Flynn shook his head, swatting the thoughts away.

When the clock struck six, Flynn took notice that he'd stayed up all night. Elsa began to stir, she groaned and stretched her arms out. She opened her eyes and looked at Flynn with a small smile.

**_"Till I make you."_**

"Hi." She croaked, standing up slowly careful to not make her head rush. She stretched her back, closing her eyes and yawning. Flynn laughed.

"Morning, get ready, we need to be down to work earlier then normal. Its really busy lately." He shooed her to the corridor leading to her room gripping her shoulders and steering her away, Elsa laughed lightly,

"Hm, I guessed." She mumbled, after all the phone call yesterday had alerted her of how busy it was. She walked down the corridor anyway, leaving Flynn downstairs to fend for himself. She walked past Anas room knocking on it, nobody answered so Elsa quietly opened the door. Ana was laying on her bed in a fatal position, asleep. Elsa shook her head and carried on into her own room.

She cleaned up a little bit, wiping dust from her bookshelf and chest of drawers, the room was small and had not much furniture, but then again, she didn't own that much stuff. She stopped herself and opened her drawers picking out a black skirt, tights and a white shirt, the sleeves landing a few centimetres away from the first light scar. Before she could undress, the mirror caught her. It was the first time she had looked at herself in weeks and in all honesty, she wanted to just cry. She looked horrendous. Her cheeks had sunken in more and the bags under her eyes hung low, purple shadows were smudged permanently under the bags. Her skin was paler then normal and looked old. She ran to the bathroom and splashed water on her face. Maybe even wishing to rise off her long lasting ugliness.

She hiccuped and walked back to her room, sadness radiating off her body. She felt so stupid. She was feeling this when people obviously have or had it worse. She felt so selfish, selfish that she couldn't be happy. But the sadness wasn't something she could turn on and off. It was there, an ora of loneliness and unhappiness.

Elsa changed quickly, not looking at her reflection until she needed to. Once she changed she picked up a tube of concealer, she couldn't look like this. She practically painted the tube onto her face and rubbed it in but nearly cried at how obvious it was that she was wearing it, she took some moisturizer in her fingers and rubbed it on her face, it seemed to help with the ageing enough so she left it and layered on her eyeliner and mascara. Once she deemed herself presentable she walked back to the lounge. Flynn had a plate of toast on the table ready for her to eat. She smiled gratefully at him and sat down to eat the food. Her stomach twisted at the sensation of food filling it, and, after two pieces, she felt full. After those two weeks of not eating much her stomach had shrunken intently, she felt more full more easily. She looked at Flynn and frowned

"Are you going to be okay, you don't have a change of clothes." She said after swallowing her last piece of toast. She rubbed her full stomach and stood up, taking her plate to the sink, as well as Flynn's, and washing them up. Flynn laughed.

"Elsa hunny, I have spare clothes at work from when I spend the night at rupunzel." He told her tapping her shoulder. They walked back out the kitchen and Elsa grabbed her shoes slipping them on. They walked to work together. The only sounds were one or two cars and birds whistling. The fresh air was amazing to feel on Elsa's face, she missed it intently.

**_"I've made myself at home in the cobwebs and the lies."_**

As they rounded a few corners the restaurant came into view. Its cute green windows and red door. It looked like something from a comic book. Maybe that was why Elsa loved it so much. They must have been a little bit late or something because when they walked in, everyone was putting the chairs down and wiping tables. Surprisingly Jack was the first to look up, he smiled,

"Elsa! You're back." He called out, catching everyone else's attention. Everyone's eyes were now on her, she felt herself shrink inside, the attention was too much.

"Been a while hasn't it?" Hiccup smiled, squeezing her shoulder, sometimes Hiccup was her favourite as he never was big on emotions or physical contact, he respected her personal space while she respected his.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Elsa apologised giving a weak, slight grin. It looked more like a grimis then anything, he laughed and shook his head before walking away.

"Don't be love!" Rupunzel tutted wagging her finger like a mother. Elsa must have looked like a stunned sheep because Rupunzel hugged Elsa tightly. Elsa tapped Rupunzel's back giving the hint she was uneasy, thankfully Rupunzel let go and smiled. She walked next to Flynn and took his hand. Elsa opened her mouth and closed it, taking in a breathe then speaking

"Oh sorry?" It sounded more like a question then a statement as Elsa seemed to stammer more around them, especially with this much attention.

"Elsa don't say sorry when its unnecessary." Astrid yelled from across the room, she walked over and stood in front of Elsa looking more intimidating then she probably meant to.

"Oh so-" Elsa paused realising she was about to apologise to Astrid, "Oh." She said instead, earning a laugh and a pat on the shoulder from Astrid. Elsa walked to the break room and got her apron and tied it up. She walked back out, prepared for the day.

Okay she wasn't really prepared.

The next few hours of work really tired out Elsa, of course her colleges were tired to, but as it was her first day back, she never expected everything to be laid on her so quickly. Many things happened. A old man grabbed her arm, making her sleeve roll up a little higher, she had to help in the kitchen, meaning she had to roll up she sleeves and finally Jack. She couldn't find anywhere to look other then at him, sometimes not by choice. So when they were in the break room all sitting around having a chat. The hours for the restaurant were simple and strange the hours were half seven to twelve, and hours break, then two until six, then some other people came in for the night shift. So that's how they were all sitting there, smiling and talking as if they had no cares. Yet there was Elsa, feeling out of place, like they were all fish and she was a lobster.

She felt uneasy and kept moving around. Her skin became uncomfortable and she felt like she was screaming and crying. Images of everyone laughing at her if she cried went through her head. She panicked and tensed her stomach, she wasn't hungry today. The voices were invading her mind, plotting against her in a huddled group. She cried "Stop it please, I can't take this!" But nobody would listen, the voices ignoring her. And carrying on. Her sobs were echoing. Heart aching in her chest for someone to take notice and hold her close.

But she sat there, straight and smiling, not letting the emotions ruin how people saw her. After all, she was a professional.

**_"I'm learning all your tricks, I can hurt you from inside."_**

"Hey did you guys hear about the girl who was raped and killed just a few streets away?" Hiccup interjected, he looked at everyone expectantly. Only Jack looked up and nodded, she smiled and Elsa found herself smiling too, she didn't bother denying the butterflys in her stomach.

"Yeah I heard her organs were removed and placed in random places near her." Jack smirked widely and made a line on his belly with his hand, making his point. Rupunzel groaned.

"That sound like some Jack the Ripper shit man." Flynn called out from next to Rupunzel, Hiccup looked confused,

"Who's Jack the Ripper?" He asked innocently, Flynn's face darkened, he had this weird love of Jacks work, Rupunzel told people about it a few days after they started to go out, somehow everyone in town found out. But nobody blamed Rupunzel, it was strange.

"You fecking basturd!" Flynn yelled jumping onto Hiccup, tackling him to the floor play fighting with each other, Astrid gasped and sat there helplessly letting out a few laughs every so often. Rupunzel shuffled, not knowing what to do, it was until Flynn started to explain to everyone who Jack was that everything seemed to calm down a little bit.

"Jack the Ripper is a famous historic, Victorian, figure in Britain, he was this serial killer who killed five or so woman, well prostitutes, horribly, kind of like that murderer did, but worse. I remember one of them had their organs rearranged and her intestines were wrapped around her shoulders. But his identity has been unknown for the past 125 years, bummer but he's famous as hell! There are millions of books and movies based of him. How did you not know him?" Flynn announced, everyone was just looking, at everything not really knowing what to say. They didn't really know much about him either, Hiccup laughed,

"Well sorry Mr Ripper." He mocked, faking a bow. Flynn rolled his eyes and mocked him, under his breath. Astrid sighed,

"Well back to the girl then." She clapped her hands. Elsa sat there looking around, the idea of murderers made her queasy and sick. She hated the idea of a poor innocent person getting their life taken from them. As she thought this she felt very hypocritical.

"People are saying its her fault for being raped." Astrid said, looking at her phone, probably reading the article. Elsa felt herself frown. Nothing annoyed her more than when people said this,

"That's bullshit, its the stupid horny git that raped hers fault! Unless she said 'Rape me.' Then its not rape, because she gave consent and enjoyed it." Elsa spoke up, Rupunzel pointed at her enthusiastically as if agreeing with her. Jack smiled to Elsa and she felt her heart speed increase ever so slightly. After a few more remarks the conversation dyed down, with forty minutes left of their break everyone went and did their thing. Rupunzel and Flynn went too talk privately, Astrid and Hiccup went doing whatever they were doing but it left Elsa and Jack. Jack looked at her and huffed,

"Its boring here, let's go and get a coffee, we've got a while till work starts again." Jack offered, Elsa looked around and sighed, did she really want to do this?

_He just feels bad for you._

_Maybe he just wants you to pay_

_Damn he must be really bored wanting to go out with someone as annoying as you_

Ah, the voices were back, Elsa almost missed them, but now they were back she just wanted them gone again. She hated them, making her feel about ten inches tall.

"O-Okay." She replied, trying her best to ignore the words floating around her head. Elsa bit her tongue and held her head up tall feeling the rare surge of confidence flood through her veins.

**_"I made myself a promise, you would never see me cry,"_**

"What did you want to be when you were younger?" Elsa asked Jack breaking the awkward silence that floated around them. She took a sip of her Mocha feeling the hot mixture burn its way down her throat, it felt more like a punishment then a nice drink.

"I wanted to be an astronaut. How about you?" Jack replied and Elsa found herself wondering if a small part of him still wanted to be an Astronaut, if he still wanted to wear a space suit and explore the millions of different stars and galaxy's. She also wondered what made him stop wanting to be one. Elsa was so lost in her thoughts she almost forgot that he's asked her a question.

"Journalist, turned into a forensic scientist," Elsa admitted sheepishly blushing a little bit. She was usually private many things, including this. But she felt like telling the truth.

"Really? How come?" Jack asked sipping his White Latte, Elsa smiled a small smile and shook her head, she quickly quoted Tate Langdon, feeling clever for her choice in quote.

"There's just something about all that blood," She paused looking up at Jack who was watching her intently, curious and interested even. "You know, the famous Greek historian Herodotus, wrote of a Spartan leader who was thrown into the stocks after exhibiting strange behaviour. And as he was lying there, fast bound, he noticed that all the guards had left him, except one, and he asked the man, who was his serf, to lend him his knife. As soon as the knife was in his hands, he began to mutilate himself, beginning on his shins. I don't know there's something fascinating about it." Elsa rambled, smiling slightly as she talk about her passions. Jack watched her smiling widely as she talked and talked, he found himself adoring the way her whole face lit up when she talked about something or someone close to her.

"Wow, interesting topic you picked there." Jack joked raising his coffee mug a little to enhance his point, Elsa laughed,

"I guess it is." She admitted, it was quiet for a little bit after that but it was a comfortable silence. Jack cleared his throat and looked at Elsa with a serious face, Elsa's stomach twisted in anticipation of what he was going to say.

"You remember when I was hassiling you about the bruise on your wrist?" Elsa nodded slowly, "Well I wanted to apologise for being so... Well for being an asshole about it." Jack pressed his lips together tightly anxious for Elsa's reaction.

"You weren't being that bad of an asshole, but apology accepted." Elsa answered, they smiled at each other and finished their drinks.

**_"Till I make you."_**

"Tell me about your family." Jack said whilst they were walking back to the restaurant, Elsa tensed up a little bit but relaxed soon enough, she didn't need to look suspicious to anyone, especially Jack. So she answered,

"I have a younger sister and a late mother and father, that's it really, apart from their parents obviously." Elsa finished, Jack looked at her sadly, she hated it when people to that. When Elsa told Flynn he had the same look. She wished she could slap it off his face.

"Oh well if it makes you feel any better my sisters dead too." Jack paused, "I say that out loud and it doesn't sound any better then in my head." He shook his head and looked to the floor. It was obvious to any sain person that he hated to talk about it. But what would Elsa have done if she lost Ana? Ha, Elsa thought, big fat fucking ha.

"Hey, you remember Flynn was talking about Jack the Ripper?" Jack asked looking at Elsa, who's face paled and if cartoons were in their place then her face would be green. Jack noted this, "I'm not going to talk about what he did. But there was an article about how the "Jack" mystery was solved. Apparently it was a drunken journalist who created this story in his head and forged a letter and signed it with 'jack'." Jack explained, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Elsa smiled and took note of this, another thing to make him beautiful.

"Wow, don't tell him that, it'll crush him." They both shared a quick snigger before entering their work place. Elsa checked the time, it was. Ten minutes until opening. She went into the girls toilets and took in a few deep breaths. When she felt her heart speed decrease and face cool down she walked into one of the stools and sat on the toilet.

_You have a crush on him_

_You like him_

_Once again you like someone who'd never like you back, great_

"I do not." She whispered to them, jesus to anyone actually normal she must look positively nuts. She sighed and walked out of the stalls and back to work. Some customers had started to wonder in, so she got right to work.

Elsa liked to call this part of work WORK PART TWO, unorigional yes but it made it easier...somehow.

_**"You'll never know what hit you,"**_

After her shift, Elsa was collecting her stuff when Jack tapped her shoulder, she turned around and found him leaning on the wall next to her locker.

"Hey just wanted to say thanks for today, it was nice." Jack said, Elsa looked at him and tilted her head.

"Yeah it was, but I should be thanking you, I mean you paid." She gestured towards him with a small smile. She felt happier near beauty. Sometimes when she talked to Jack it reminded her of beauty and the beast.

"I didn't pay, I thought you paid." Jack replied his face contorted into a wide Cheshire cat smile, he laughed. Elsa shook her head and looked to the floor.

"Oh, well we aren't ever going there again." She mumbled to herself, but loud enough for Jack to hear. She looked up and felt her heart rate increase at the way he was looking at her.

_**"Won't see me closing in,"**_

"But it was fun." Jack stated stepping forward. Elsa felt her breath escape her lungs and struggled to get more back in. She needed to clear her head.

"Yeah, it was. Uh goodbye Jack." Elsa dismissed, feeling the unforgettable feeling of nervousness spread through her body. She needed to get out of there. Fast,

"Goodbye Elsa." She walked away from him, daring not to turn and look behind, scared of what she might see. Maybe him glaring at her back or rolling his eyes to her, so she continued out of the restaurant.

_**"I'm the heavy burden that you can't bare."**_

Elsa walked into her flat dumping the contense of her pocket on the table. She streached and walked around the table into her room and lay on the bed. She felt so emotionally drained and tired. She wanted to sleep but her thoughts kept swirling her head. She needed them to calm down so she could rest but they had full control. They made her want to slam her wrist on the table. She yawned and stood up again pulling her shirt over her head and pulled on a tank top and tugged her skirt and tights off replacing them with sleeping shorts. She was so tired, but so cold. Yet her blood and heart were sending scorching waves through her body. She was scared to touch her skin, fearful that a burn will stand bright on her hand.

_**"I'm gonna make you suffer,"**_

Downstairs the doorbell had rang, Elsa couldn't go down and answer it in her attire. She would risk everything if she did. Just to her luck there was Ana running down the hall yelling,

"I'll get it!"

_**"I try to be the lover to your nightmare."**_

Elsa stood in front of her mirror looking at herself, her eyes seemed to only be drawn to the faults. Her chest sank low with each breath, her fingers traced around her stomach, imagioning cutting off all the fat. She heard her door some open and gasps. She went to grab herself hiding what she could but it was to late.

"Elsa?"

_**"Ill make you see."**_


	9. Would You Rather?

NOT A CHAPTER SORRY

So here is the deal. Either this story is 18 chapters and has a happy ending or this story is 12 chapters long, has a sad ending but a short sequel that then has a happy ending. You guys choose.

i need them quick too so I can like plan the structure of each chapter out of the winner :)

-The next chapter will be coming out before Tuesday I promise-

Love you all :*


	10. Chapter 9

**Hfh ch9**

**I'm the biggest arse in the world, I'm a day late, I'm so sorry. But to make up for it I have put up a new story called 50 ways to say goodbye, it's going to be a more lighthearted book then this and I swear it's going to be good. So check it out!**

**Song used - Relax my beloved by Alex Clare**

* * *

~ Trigger warning ~

(Recap)

Elsa stood in front of her mirror looking at herself, her eyes seemed to only be drawn to the faults. Her chest sank low with each breath, her fingers traced around her stomach, imagioning cutting off all the fat. She heard her door some open and gasps. She went to grab herself hiding what she could but it was to late.

"Elsa?"

•

(Present Day)

**_"Relax my beloved, don't worry for me"_**

Illusion versus reality was something that had started beyond the dawn of time. It was a fight that lasted decades until someone finally understood it. What is an illusion? What is reality? The questions still puzzle the mind to this day. You could make anything you want from an illusion but it would take a lot more convincing on reality's part to make it real, to make it reality. Dreams could always find a way to fiddle with the reality of things, dreams based from anything, nothing and everything. From books to your day, dreams had everything. Illusions created by your brain to supply your thoughts whilst your body has shut down for sleep. It was easy to open the seal between being asleep and being awake. You could simply get stuck between the two worlds. Lucid dreamers were more practised with travelling through the barrier. People waiting for their knight in black to come and carry them off the heaven or hell travelling through the barrier. People in a coma were stuck between the two.

That's how Elsa felt right now, she was stuck between whether she was dreaming not because no matter how hard she wanted to believe it, deep down she knew that no amount of pinching or screaming could wake her up from reality and drag her into a perfect illusion. Right now, she needed a dream, illusion or reality to save her from this moment. The adrenaline rush from fear spread like wild fire throughout her body. She wanted to be taken by an angel. Or anything, anything. Just something that could take her away from the simplicities that she was about of over come today. She needed to get through this but she didn't know how.

_**"Don't shed a tear for me, always be near for me."**_

"Anna?"

Time was frozen in place whilst the sisters stared at each other. Pain and empathy visible in both eyes. The wind blew threw the open window, sending it's deathly chill throughout the room. The tension was as thick as Elsa's bookshelf. Anna just looked at Elsa, her face flashing between disappointed and sad, completely different emotions but both gave Elsa the same feeling inside. The pit of her stomach was bubbling with anxiety from being caught. She didn't know what Anna had caught but she knew she was busted for something. Whether it was her skinniness or scars she didn't care. Both would have the same reaction drawn from her dear sisters face. The same sister of whom hated her for years, the sister she left alone with a monster. All because the monsters inside her head were selfish enough to forget her sister. Why would she even care? The only words they exchanged recently was a quick morning and that was a few days ago. Elsa didn't know what a suitable reaction would be at the moment. Should she cry and apologise to Anna or act tough and ignore Anna and slam the door in her face. But none of that mattered as Elsa watched her sisters face completely break in front of her.

It was one thing to be suspicious of your sibling doing such horrible things to themselves yet it was another to actually see the evidence. Anna regretting every living moment she had gone past not caring about Elsa because, by the looks of things, she should have cared to a point where it terrified herself. She needed to be there for her sister. She never thought about how Elsa was feeling, she was so stubbornly stuck on the idea that Elsa was secretly hating Anna that she forgot that you need to, no matter what, act happy and polite to your sibling. Even if you want to rip their throat out...with your teeth. Not that Anna had thought about it. She did the first thing her brain found good enough for Elsa..

_**"Be confident my love, don't bow your head for me."**_

"Elsa." Anna whispered running to her sisters side looking up at Elsa's face. Her hand reached out and her fingers trailed across her cheek. Elsa felt the tears roll from her eyes onto her cheek. Her brain was over whelmed with the rush of emotions. Fear, heartache and sadness were all strong competitors.

"You know women's tear ducts are smaller then males so that's why our tear roll onto our cheeks, rather then fall." Elsa mumbled, Anna almost laughed but ended up choking into a sob. She grabbed Elsa into a hug whispering she was sorry over and over again. Surprised by the sudden contact, Elsa jumped but soon relaxed and wrapped her hands around Anna's back.

"You can figure this out, we can make it okay." Anna whispered into Elsa's hair, Elsa frowned and looked down to her. She features contorted into a mass of confusion and sadness.

_**"Promise you'll smile for me, don't ever cry for me."**_

"Make it okay?" Elsa asked with a confused face and question evident in her voice. She was scared Anna only thought of it as a small bump, like this was something that could be fixed by just sticking a plaster over it because not even Elsa was that stupid, she knew how much of a bump this was. In fact, Elsa didn't even think of it was a bump, it was more of a train crash. A wreck that was impossible to fix. She was a train crash, unable to be fixed. Because, even now in his day and age, you can never really fix a crash as problematic as a train accident.

"We can fix it, together." Anna carried on in a dreamy state, Elsa began to get frustrated. She thought it was so easy, it wasn't, believe me Elsa tried to "fix it" but it only made it worse, maybe Elsa was doomed to spend her life like this until she killed herself or something killed her. Life was so easy to take away and the thought of that scared Elsa. Everything scared her. She felt a shiver run down her spine as the world began to spin.

"No Anna." Elsa called our urgently. The alarm in her voice snapped Anna out from her day dream and she looked at Elsa and saw the fear and panic in her eyes. The sight of Elsa worried Anna.

"It's okay Elsa, calm down."

_**"You know these walls, they may fall down."**_

Elsa's breathing pace quickened at an alarming rate, her breaths became more and more frantic. She was begging for air, panting. The lack of air made her head hurt. Bangs were all she could hear, she felt them like knives inside her, looking for a way out of her body. It hurt, she felt the pain like a million firecrackers. Each of her pants become more forceful, she starting wheezing, her throat hurting. The air scratching the walls of her throat as it went up and down. No matter what she couldn't slow her breathing patterns or control it. Why couldn't she control it? The spike in her heart race felt like a punch and her blood felt hot and heavy, she couldn't move, she couldn't breath.

Burning sobs escaped her lips, she couldn't feel anything, numbness that she thought she could escape wrapped around her like a black blanket. She could barely hear her sisters frantic cries behind the loud, obnoxious ringing in her ears. The headache she felt before coming back strong and more powerful. Her tears felt less forced now, all she felt was numbness and he tears rolling onto her cheeks.

**_"But I'll still hold on to you."_**

She reached her hands out looking for something to grasp between her fingers, to let her know that yes she is still alive and safe. But she couldn't reach anything. She cried out loudly in frustration. She needed to grab something, her hands shook violently as they searched around for someone. For someone to help her escape this horror filled mess. She took in a gasp of breath and she finally held something, human flesh. The warm skin surprised her, her own skin cold from her pulse increasing. She couldn't think straight, pure white clouding her thoughts, she tried as hard as she could to picture someone, something, anything but it was no use.

_She was going to die_

_She was going to die_

_She was going to die_

_She was going to die_

**_"At heights higher then you'd imagine me too."_**

It was the end of the world. Everything was slipping beneath her feet.

Suddenly it was like everything was slowing down, the ringing quiet ended and her headache backed down.

"Elsa listen to me, you are strong, you can pull yourself out of this."

The tears dried faster than they landed and she felt herself get control of her body, she opened her eyes slowly and saw Flynn kneeling in front of her a smile on his lips but sweat on his forehead and tears on his cheeks, as well as in his now red eyes. As soon as he saw her calm down he hugged her tightly,

**_"Then maybe again we would weep like we've done a thousand times before."_**

"You're safe, you're safe I promise." He muttered into her hair. She shivered as she hugged him back, weak from her sudden attack. She was confused on whether it was from panic or anxiety. She never was good at Health or anything that was included in this type of situation.

"Thank you. 'M happy you're here." She whispered into his arm, it was barely audible but he heard it and smiled, kissing her head.

**_"Don't turn your back on me, or shout as you walk through the door."_**

Elsa's gaze fell upon the still, Crystal clear water in front of her. It was laying in the pristine white bath tub. It looked to beautiful, Elsa almost didn't want to get into it. But she did. She had to, she stank and needed to cool down from such an exciting day. She was nackered and quiet frankly needed a good meal. She stripped from her clothing and tipped her toes into the cool water, it burned her foot and she recoiled it, out of habit. She relaxed and placed her whole foot in, followed by her other foot and slowly, ever so slowly, lowered her body into the water. The water froze her skin to the touch. The cold was bothering her, she hated it but she did it because she had too.

**_"Be still my heart, I'm only a moment away."_**

Taking cold baths was apparently better for you as it refreshes your skin and makes you more happy. The cold bath is like a therapy session, when your in it you let out your anger by yelling about the cold. Something about this soothed Elsa, made her feel more at home and happier. It was foreign to her, she never had experienced it before so here she was trying it.

Doing her best to ignore all of her reflexes telling her to get out of the cold, she sank into the bath, tried to relax but her body started to shiver violently. Her shaky hand reached to the phone and she grabbed it playing some music to help the god awful experience. Her phone's battery started to play up and Elsa grunted on frustration. She unclipped the back and took the battery out. Something fell into the water and Elsa panicked, her put her phone on the side and reached down to grab what fell. Once her hand clasped it she knew what it was. Her thoughts bombarded her brain. She brought the metal blade to her face so she could see it more closely. She smiled a sickly sweet smile and remembered why she put it there. It was when she was at work one day and the blade fell from her bag, she stood on the blade until the room cleared and panicked, putting it in the back of her phone case. She didn't remember it, until now.

**_"In the next room or at the break of day."_**

Elsa almost welcomed the familiar dark thoughts that told her what to do, she complied with out a fight. She brought the blade to her upper arm and sliced her skin. Bubbles of blood appeared almost immediately. Soon the bubbles turned into a trickle of blood then a small stream. Elsa watched each drop hit the water. It stained the once clear water but then the blood disappeared. She was fascinated, maybe that's why she wanted to be a forensic scientist.

**_"and I would walk once again to see your face again."_**

When Elsa goes into work, the next day, she is Immediately bombarded by Flynn holding up a black shirt with 'North's Place' written in white on the back, the sleeves were short but would fall to Elsa's elbow because of the sizes. She froze for a minutes waiting for Flynn to speak.

"It's your new uniform. I'm so sorry." Flynn whispered looking down, Elsa saw he was wearing the same shirt but with the sleeves rolled up as far as they would go so they seemed sleeveless. Elsa grabbed the shirt breathing heavily and walked into the changing rooms where Rupunzel was standing there - in her new shirt - frowning.

"These shirts suck." She groaned, Elsa nodded and Astrid laughed.

**_"I'd hear every word you had to say."_**

"Please you only hate them because you can't show your cleavage to Flynn." Astrid chirped from across the room. Rupunzel stormed over and hit Astrid's arm multiple times. Elsa sighed and waited for them to leave before pulling her vest top of and pulling the shirt on, buttoning the front up. She looked in a full length mirror on the back of the door and her heart sank, it was so painfully obvious. This was all hopeless.

She walked out and grabbed a notepad and pen from the kitchen and went to take people's orders, trying her best to stay positive and happy when all she wanted to do was go home, wrap herself up in her duvet and cry whilst watching something sad like Sophie's Choice.

She walked over to the nearest table and took their orders, it was a young male and female, the male was sucking the female' snack and the female was giggling. They didn't notice her until Elsa cleared her throat.

**_"_****_Then maybe again we would weep like we've done a thousand times before,"_**

"H-hello my names Elsa, can I take your order?" She asked, trying to -for the sake of the restaurant- sound happy but her voice kept cracking. She ignored it and ignore the runny nose she'd started to obtain because of her urgent need to cry.

"Yes my girlfriend will have a Chicken Tikka Curry and I'll have a Mac n Cheese." The man ordered, Elsa wrote it all down in scruffy handwriting. She forced a smile on her lips, lowering the notepad and held her back up straight, trying to appear professional.

"Will that be-" but she was cut off by the girls gasp, it didn't take Elsa longer than a second to realise the girl saw her arms. Her heart rate quickened and tears found their way to her eyes. She cleared her throat, muttered a quick "Excuse me." To the customers before running off, away from them. She didn't try to stop her tears anymore, they fell freely. Elsa knew no one would follow her but as she ran she couldn't help but trip, she squealed a little and awaited impact but - thankfully - North caught her. She looked up at him and, through the tears, smiled.

"Oops." She said laughing at herself but inside she cringes, her walls were growing thicker and thicker but at the same time an unknown source was chipping away at them.

"Are you okay?" North asked, pulling Elsa upright, Elsa nodded and folding her arms, hiding the underside of them. Her mind was banging. Her heart convulsing. She ran out of North's grip and ran to the toilets, chocking on her sobs and she threw up in the toilet, street getting to much for her body to handle. If she had to wear this uniform everyday, she would have to quit.

**_"Don't turn your back on me, or shout as you walk out he door."_**

Once her tears calmed down she stood up and splashed water on her face, rubbing it especially on her eyes which were extremely red. She sighed and walked out the room and into the employees room, pulling on a red hoody she kept in her locker incase of emergencies, today seemed like a great day to use it. She sat down, leaning against the wall. She pulled her knees up and rested her head on them, taking in a few deep breathes.

Jack walked into the employees room and saw Elsa in the corner. She had her knees pulled up to her face and arms pushed into her stomach. She heard footsteps and looked up to see Jack. She patted the spot next to her and he complied immediately. Once he sat she turned to him,

"I had a brother you know." She spoke suddenly, Jack jumped slightly, shocked by the sudden noise to echo the room. He was happy Elsa was choosing him to open up a little too. He knew she and Flynn were close, but - from what he heard Flynn say - she didn't open up. Which was a bad thing. Everyone needed someone to open up too.

"Really?" Jack looked at her, he found his eyes wondering her face, looking at her pale skin, the purple circles under her eyes. Her red eyes like she was just crying. Which, to his knowledge, she was. He felt something twist in his stomach.

"Yeah, he was the devil though." Elsa sneered, Jack had to take a double glance at her, she never used a voice like that. She must hate her brother. Jack found himself wondered, where was her brother now.

"How come?" Jack couldn't stop himself from questioning Elsa, sure he knew she wanted him to, but he didn't want to fuel any arguments, nor make a new one.

**_"Then maybe again we would weep like we've done a thousand time before."_**

"He'd hit my sister sometimes me." Elsa's voice was unsure, like there was a hidden truth beneath her words, as if what she was saying I fact had a story, but of course it had a story behind it. The hits started a year before she shut herself out. They started on...that day.

"He abused you?" Jack almost yelled, it was like something had clicked in his brain when he heard her say it. His mind went into a protective mode, like when his friend was being yelled at and he did what he could to help them. He wanted to help Elsa, he wanted to be the person she could rant to about anything.

"Yeah," Elsa admitted sadly, a permanent frown was scratched on her face, "How sick is that?" She asked laughing softly, she leaned her head on Jacks shoulder and took in a deep breath. Jack felt his heart jump slightly.

"Really sick." He agreed, being to good to admit that he liked the feeling of having Elsa's head on his shoulder, it was - to him - like he was protecting her from all the monsters in the world. She was his princess and he the guard. The guardian.

"'M sorry, I shouldn't burden you with these things." Elsa muttered, she moved her head slightly so her chin could rest on Jacks shoulder and she looked up at him, he looked at her and held her stare for a minute before smiling and kissing her the top of her head.

**_"Don't turn your back on me, or shout as you walk out the door."_**

"Don't worry about it sweetheart."


	11. Chapter 10

hfh c10

**_"Hey there little red riding hood."_**

Her nimble fingers darted over the delicate patterns of all the pieces of cloth in front of her, beauty had danced it way into her vision with every twist and turn. Elsa had gone back to University. Here she stood in the middle of Zara, lost in the mist of colours. Her eyes wondered the rooms and corridors of clothes. She saw many clothes that she held a desire towards. She looked at the jumpers and selected a few, the prices escaping her mine as she wanted them badly. The first sign of sadness that day was when she saw a stunning dress. It was a white dress with a tight bonnet and loose skirt to the knee. Blue patterns covered it in ice patterns.

"_**You sure are looking good."**_

The thing that made Elsa sad was that she could never pull it off nor have an occasion to wear it. Plus, the sleeves were tight and fell to the elbow, leaving the rest of the arm uncovered. Leaving her bruises uncovered. Elsa bowed her head in shame and continued onwards, not feeling as excited as she was before. Her mind shut off completely as she paid and exited the shop. She was deeming herself unworthy, pathetic even.

_**"You're everything a big bad wolf could want."**_

Her walk home was just as unpleasant. She could only think about that dress. It plagued her thoughts.

_Bit pathetic isn't it Elsa_

And with that thought all she could do was offer it a massive fuck you.

The dress was something she could imagine a villain wearing, someone with magical powers who would try to take over the world in a cheesy fantasy. Maybe she shouldn't have the dress. But oh did she long for it. She thought about the pros and cons

"Little red riding hood, i don't think little big girls should."

**PRO**: she would be wearing an amazing dress

**CON**: She probably couldn't pull it of

**PRO**: flynn said white and blue looked good on her

**CON**: bruises

Maybe she should think about it a bit more.

**_"Go walking in these spooky old woods alone."_**

Its kind of funny because years ago, poor sweet Elsa was different. She would never have been able to imagine how much you hate yourself to be brought to, to think that your only relief would be, a blade. Or bruises or burning.

(Its so common now it scared her.)

When she was ten her mother and father told her that self destruction was a disease and a sin.

(Boy was she a sinner. If it was a disease she would be extremely dangerous right now.)

_**"What big eyes you have, the kind of eyes that drive wolfs mad."**_

She could never imagine the pain and sorrow you could experience until you feel it for yourself. She could only think about her happy little world. She thought that maybe if she did it her friends and family would say...

"I want you to know that we all love you so much and I know I can't stop you from doing it again but just know if you continue doing it, and innocently cut to deep or something then that's it and it fucking scares me to think about you sitting there with a mark inflicted on yourself. You're beautiful and amazing and I, everybody, can't loose you. I care way too much about you to let you ruin yourself with this. I promise things will get better even if you think it won't. It will. And self harm, its so much bigger then thought of and its terrifying. But please think about the effects. No amount of "hold on." and "keep strong."S People can say, it won't do anything"

But maybe not, after all she started and no one knew, nobody cared.

"**_Just to see that you don't get chased i think i"_**

But she started when she was thirteen, because a year before that she had walked home to find her parents sleeping on the floor painted in red with a permanent smiles etched across their necks.

(When i was twelve i thought my world was over, but im here now. My only regret was not putting a bullet through my head back then.)

"_**Ought to walk with you to be safe."**_

"Elsa!" She heard from behind her as she slipped a black cardigan, that she spend hours arguing with North to wear, on. She turned around and saw him walking at a fast pace towards her. He was smiling and she couldn't help but return the gesture.

"Oh hey Jack" she grinned, waving slightly. He laughed at her crappy attempt at being normal, or not awkward. In doing so she was more awkward which made Jack like her more.

"Can I ask you a thing?" He asked, his smile dropping. His icy blue eyes piercing straight into her own and his hand managed to wrap its way around her elbow.

**_"What full lips you have, sure to lure someone bad."_**

"A thing?" She quizzed raising an eyebrow in confusion. "A thing" could mean literally anything. It could mean he knows. Holy god what if he really does know. What would she do? What would he do? Guess she just had to wait for the reply. She was proud she was acting this calm. Guess year of pretending to be okay were paying off.

"Yeah." He pressed, at least he was being mature and respectful. Something Elsa adored about him, his cheeks flushed with a slight pink aa if nervous.

_**"Gonna keep my sheep suit on."**_

"Okay sure." She answered, making a hand gesture for him to continue. She was so nervous, her nerves were severely racked (a/n: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

"Will you go on a date with me?" Well she wasn't expecting that. Her cheeks were hot and she let out a small squeak of surprise. She really wasn't expecting that. She needs to be more prepared. God did she need help? No no no. Jack liked her enough to ask her out. Face. To. Face

_Its probably a prank_

_It was a dare, common you don't believe this dick_

_You're such an idiot to believe this._

_"__**Till I'm sure that you've been shown."**_

She didn't listen to them, to the voices. She didn't even realise she was staring until he clicked his fingers in front of her face.

"Oh, I-I don't know." She stutters but in her mind shes screaming yes! Yes! Yes!

"Come on, just one." Jack pleaded with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Elsa knew she would regret this.

"**_That i can be trusted, walking with you alone."_**

"One? Okay then." She accepted with a small smile. Jack's face lit up and Elsa swore that she wanted to do everything to see that face again,

"Really?" He asked childishly, she laughed.

"Sure, when?"

"Tomorrow night, I'll pick you up at seven, wear something formal."

Goddamn and she just stopped thinking about that stupid dress.

"_**Little red riding hood."**_

Many events happened at Norths Place, fires, rats, rough break ups, cheating scandals. But this... This was new. Well it was too Elsa because in all the time working her she never thought she would be stuck in the freezer with Astrid.

"How the hell did this even happen?" Astrid exclaimed kicking the wall, wincing as her foot made contact with it. Stupid wall.

"I dont know you dragged me in here." Elsa mumbled giving Astrid an evil side eye glare. Okay sure it wasn't completely her fault.

**_"I'd like to hold you if i could."_**

"No i didnt you did this on your own." Astrid accused. Okay maybe it was Astrid's fault.

"Bullshit." She hissed in annoyance. Elsa sat on the floor, pulling her crappy cardigan tighter around her. The cold bothered the shit out of her.

"Okay . Its Thursday which means the night staff work." Astrid said sounding hopeful. Sure the night staff's chef will need food and come in here but they may not see us or they may lock us in or hey wait.

"The night staff? Sounds a bit sinister doesn't it?" Elsa scoffed, astrid frowned but nodded.

"Well, yeah, but some of them are nice, i talked to one called Belle before. She was lovely." Astrid said in a slightly,dreamy way. She was a child that never grew up and excepted her life.

"Of course." Elsa pulled out sarcastically. Astrid winced slightly and decided to drop it and change the conversation. She gets an idea.

"So Elsa," Astrid starts, "When are you and Jack going to call it even and fall in love?"

"What do you mean?" If elsa was drinking something it would be all over the floor.

"_**But you might think I'm."**_

"Oh come on, everyone has placed bets on when the sexual tension between you two will become reality." Astrid grinned. Elsa blushed shamefully. God had everyone noticed? Guess so.

"Haha, we are just friends." She says, not believing her own words "But we are going out tomorrow night." Were they still friends if they went on a small date?

"Finally." Astrid cries, the two start to drift off after that. Both board of the others company. They were asleep

They woke to a shaking noise. The door's handle rattles and makes a screeching noise as the person on the other side opens it.

"Woah, what the fuck happened here?" A tall boy with messy brown hair and bright green eyes exclaimed. He looked at them and Astrid jumped up in joy and delight.

"Oh thank god!" She yelled running out of the room. Elsa followed her slowed and more gracefully. She turned to their saviour.

"**_A big bad wolf so i won't."_**

"Im Elsa, thats Astrid, we work the day shifts but got stuck in here." She introduced politely, the boy smirked and offered a handshake which she gladly accepted.

"Oh i see, I'm Peter." He returned with a wide grin. She blushed slightly before they finally reached astrid.

"Thanks Peter." Elsa laughed waving a small goodbye to him as she grabbed her bag, ready to go home and warm up as the chills had sent permanent shudders down her spine.

"Welcome." He replied still smirking.

"_**What a big heart i have."**_

"Seriously thanks again." Astrid yelled over her shoulder before running out the shop with Elsa in tow.

She didn't know why she called Jack when she got home she just did. She was cold and wet and bothered. Thankfully he picked up and agreed on coming around, so Elsa wrapped in and threw some grey sweats and a large brown jumper on. She made herself a glass of plain hot water to warm her up and taking a sip, she was delighted to feel the scorching liquid violently burn its way down her throat. She was about to take her second sip when there was a knock on the door. Jack. Or Ana or Flynn. But most probably Jack.

"Oh Elsa." Jack muttered shaking his head grinning like a child. Elsa cocked her hip resting a hand on it in the process.

"**_Better to love you with."_**

"Oh Jackson." She mocked walking away and sitting on the couch pulling a blanket over her. Jack shut the door and followed suit. Flopping next to her.

"Funny girl. Come on frosty, tell me what happened." He beckoned, stretching and arm around her shoulders.

"I was locked in a freezer for two hours and Peter saved me." She admitted burying her face in her hands utterly mortified. This was embarrassing to her.

"**_Little red riding hood."_**

"Peter?" He asked, a little to fiercely for Elsa's liking.

"Some guys from the nightshift lot." She spoke innocently, her voice calming Jack down instantly. It was strange. They seemed to match almost perfectly. Calming each other down and slowly, ever so slowly seeping into each others hearts.

"Oh." He didn't like those guys, he hated Peter too. He reached out and grabbed Elsa's hand flinching at the cold. "You're so cold frosty." He exclaims pulling her against him rubbing her skin with his hands, hopeful friction will help warm her.

"_**Even bad wolfs can be good."**_

"Totally not like i was in a fucking freezer, were you even listening?" She accused frowning at him. Jack felt his face flush deep red.

"Of course i was." He replied defensively. Elsa sighed and let out a small yawn, body stretching in the process

"Well I'm tired, im so tired." She whispered into nothing. Jack traced his finger along her sharp shoulder bone.

"Sleep frosty." He beckoned in a soft soothing voice into her hair. She snuggles into him rubbing her forehead on his chest. She was so beautiful.

_**"Little red riding hood, you sure are looking good."**_

"'Mkay." She mumbled against his top, he felt his breath shake and heart race increase as he picked her up and walked down the hall, finding the door with 'elsa' written across it in swirly writing. He nudged the door open with his hip and looked around the room. It was so Elsa. He walked to the bed and pried the duvet off laying her on the mattress. When he went to walk away, her grip on him tightened. His stomach churned and breath hitched as she mumbled a small "stay" quick to comply he kicked his shoes off and climbed in next to her, not caring that they were both fully dressed. His only concern was Elsa's constant shivers and yawns. He wrapped his arms around her and, soon, they fell into a peaceful sleep surrounded by the warmth they provided each other.

_**"You're everything a big bad wolf could want."**_

**A/n: i will always find a way for Peter to be involved. Mark. My. Words.**

**For the Next update : six reviews, two follows and your love ;) luv wo**


	12. An (apologetic) explanation

Hello!

It's umm been a while I guess since I've updated this story, it's not that I have run out of ideas (I have way to many of those). It's more towards the fact that when I first made this story I was not in a goood place. To be honest, most (M O S T) people who write stories including depression, self harm, anorexia etc have at least felt that way like doing that. It's not healthy and if you feel at all like Elsa then please contact someone, tell someone because life is so good but complex yakno? I promise its so...refreshing and amazing to look at life in a positive view, its seriously great and uplifting.

Besides the point, I havent updated because I have been trying so hard to recover, like way too hard (to the point where it makes me sad for some stupid reason) and since Elsa is based off mainly myself I have been staying away from writing about it or just even thinking about it. So I'm very sorry.

No, I'm not giving up on this story, infact I intend to have to finished by the end of May at least, hopefully before then but I have school, triple science and extra college courses to attend. But I feel am I finally in a place where I can write about Elsa's internal and exteral struggles without feeling too triggere or too upset. To be honest when I wrote the first chapter of this book it was because I was crying and wanted to just scream my feelings into words.

Hopefully I will update a new chapter by tonight, I miss reading the reviews as they were always so nice too read, especially the ones with constructive critisism, it really helped edge the story forward.

So, in conclusion, I have been in a recovering state of mind and thats why no updates came, I am very very sorry for not updating, truely. Hopefully the future chapters will also be written properly and less...shit.

Sincere Apologies

Also, if you are feeling down or contemplating killing yourself like Elsa then please plase tell someone, parents, a teacher, or hell even one of these hotlines. You deserve to be alive and you are so much more important than you think.

Albania: 127

Argentina: (54-11) 4758-2554

Australia: 13 11 14

Austria: 142

Barbados: (246) 4299999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil: +55 51 211 2888

Canada - Greater Vancouver: 604-872-3311

Canada - Toll free-Howe Sound/Sunshine Coast: 18666613311

Canada - TTY: 1-866-872-0113

Canada - BC-wide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

China: 0800-810-1117

China (Mobile/IP/extension users): 010-8295-1332

Croatia: (01) 4833-888

Cyprus: +357 77 77 72 67

Denmark: +45 70 201 201

Estonia (1): 126

Estonia (2): 127

Estonia (3): 646 6666

Fiji (1): 679 670565

Fiji (2): 679 674364

Finland: 01019-0071

France: (+33) (0)9 51 11 61 30

Germany (1): 0800 1110 111

Germany (2): 0800 1110 222

Germany (youth): 0800 1110 333

Ghana: 233 244 846 701

Greece: (0) 30 210 34 17 164

Hungary: (46) 323 888

India: 2549 7777

Ireland (1): +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90

Ireland (2): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92

Ireland (3): 1850 60 90 90

Ireland (4): 1850 60 90 91

Israel: 1201

Italy: 199 284 284

Japan (1): 03 5774 0992

Japan (2): 03 3498 0231

Kenya: +254 20 3000378/2051323

Liberia: 06534308

Lithuania: 8-800 2 8888

Malaysia (1): (063) 92850039

Malaysia (2): (063) 92850279

Malaysia (3): (063) 92850049

Malta: 179

Mauritius: (230) 800 93 93

Namibia: (09264) 61-232-221

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand (1): (09) 522 2999

New Zealand (2): 0800 111 777

Norway: +47 815 33 300

Papua New Guinea: 675 326 0011

Philippines: 02 -896 - 9191

Poland (1): +48 527 00 00

Poland (2): +48 89 92 88

Portugal: (808) 200 204

Samoa: 32000

Serbia: 32000

Singapore: 1800- 221 4444

South Africa: 0861 322 322

Sweden (1): 020 22 00 60

Sweden (2): 020 22 00 70

Switzerland: 143

Thailand: (02) 713-6793

Ukraine: 058

United Kingdom (1): 08457 909090

United Kingdom (2): +44 1603 611311

United Kingdom (3): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92

United Kingdom (4): 1850 60 90 90

United Kingdom (5): 1850 60 90 91

United States of America: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Zimbabwe (1): (263) 09 65000

Zimbabwe (2): 0800 9102

SOURCES:

suicidehotlines /


	13. Chapter 11

_This is chapter 11, finally. I apologise for any mistakes I will fix them asap but for now I am so tired and really really need to go to sleep before I collapse :(((( . The song in this chapter is Immortal - Marina and The Diamonds (aka queen, my mom, the ying to my yang)._

_Enjoy the chapter and if you could leave a review because, as i said in the little A/N last chapter, it helps push the story forward and can grow into something cool, hopefully not so shitty._

_Thank you all for your patience, enjoy!_

**"****I wanna be immortal"**

Elsa could feel the heat radiating of the duvet around her body. She buried herself down so the light wouldn't scorch her when she came into contact with it. She felt a sudden overwhelming feeling of numb, she felt empty. The feeling wasn't a shock to her but this time something physically made her feel numb. She tried to collect her thoughts and wipe the sleep from her eyes so she could feel slightly more humanised compared to how she seemed to wake up feeling.

She saw blank. Her mind was with the planets, travelling from Mercury all the way to Uranus. Storms took over everything within her, she had no control, her body was weak compared to the overwhelming waves of nothingness. It was the worst feeling, being drowned by nothing.

However, the emotions were cut short when she heard a large bang from somewhere within her flat, it was followed by a girlish scream. Anna. Elsa rushed to her feet in a second and ran out of her bedroom, ignoring the dizziness in her head and her bones yelling at her to stop, and go back to bed. No, her sister was her priority.

**"****Like a god in the sky"**

She grew to a hault as she saw the kitchen, she was shocked to see Jack and her sister Anna laughing over something. They both turned to her, realising they weren't the only people in the room.

"Elsa! Morning!" Anna smiled, she then turned back to the frying pan where she appeared to be making scrambled egg. Jack rolled his eyes and he beamed over at Elsa.

"I was just getting aquainted with your lovely sister," He laughed and took a few steps closer to Elsa who flinched slightly when he got closer. Jack frowned and took a step back – wanting to respect her boundaries, "Sorry, I decided to let you sleep in as you've been looking so tired recently and I wanted to make sure you had a good nights sleep, especially after yesterdays events." He rambled, she held up a hand indicating for him to stop and she tried to remember what happened. It hit her.

The freezer,

Jack coming over,

Cuddling in her bed.

Oh my god, she thought with a heavy heart. What must he think of her now, practically forcing him to lay with her for her own selfish needs. She felt a heavy weight of horror on her heart and looked at Jack, he was frowning slightly, looking a little concerned with her horror-stricken face. Elsa took a shaky breath. He was grossed out by her wasn't he. God what if he felt her fat? What if he saw her scars? She looked down at herself. God she couldn't even change out of yesterday's clothes how pathetic was she?

"Elsa?" Jack questioned softly, grabbing Annas attention as weel ,she turned around and looked at her with concern on her face – matching Jacks. They looked blurry to Elsa – looked disgusted.

"I'm so sorry about that, seriously I didn't mean for any of it to happen it was so stupid." She tried to apologise but Jack's laugh caught her off guard.

**"****I wanna be a silk flower, like I'm never die."**

"You're so silly Elsa, it was fine. To be honest it was kind of adorable. I mean you relied on me for your warmth." He laughed, putting an emphasis on the words 'you' and 'me'. He walked up to her and squeezed her shoulder with a smile. It was wiped off his face immediately though. Elsa's eyes widen, had he noticed something? Did he suddenly regret it?

"Look, Els I've gotta go. Tell my uncle I'm not dead and all ya'kno'? I'll see you at work though? And we are still on for our date tonight right?" He rushed, and gave her a quick hug. He surprised Elsa by giving her a quick kiss on her cheek and not missing the opportunity to smirk slightly at the blush. He left the kitchen and started to put his shoes on.

"Of course, take care Jack." Elsa managed to speak, recovering slightly from the shock she was experiencing. Of course she was still smiling.

"Bye." He called back before a slam echoed through the flat. For a few seconds there was only the noise from the cooker and frying pan being made before Anna spoke.

"I love him." She whined playfully and looked at Elsa with a serious face. Elsa payed no attention as she went back to her bedroom, hand to her cheek. She felt her stomach twist and her heart beat fiercely in her chest. She hadn't stopped smiling, nor did she want to.

**"****I wanna live forever, forever in your heart."**

All worries she felt seemed to be silenced and she silently prayed that they would stay gone as she has never felt so free from herself. She laughed manically at herself. Getting this flustered over an action that most would call friendly. Maybe it was the date getting to her head. Maybe they were just going as friends, but friends don't call them 'dates' do they? She shook her head and decided to take a shower before she went to work. She got some clothes to change into and took her phone in with her so she could listen to music and not have to be alone with her thoughts as she knew that would defiantly ruin the good mood Jack had placed her in.

Elsa stripped and got into the shower, feeling the hot pelts of water touch her back made her moan slightly. She remembered the cold feeling her and Astrid had to endure, suddenly feeling amazingly gratefully for the warmth she was now enduring.

**"****We'll always be together, from the end to the start."**

It was when Elsa was washing her body with the familiar vanilla scented soap that she stared thinking, ignoring the 'Don't threaten me with a good time' playing softly in the background. She thought back to when everything started. She knew when her eating problem started, but when the self-injury happen she had no clue. It was lost in the blurry maze of memories she was desperately trying to remember yet forget at the same time. It was messy, in her brain.

Her eating problem started with the most stupid thing. It simply started when Elsa had fallen ill. She never really defined what was wrong but knew she couldn't keep anything down, had a massive headache and felt faint. She was ill for a total of 2 weeks and, when finally better, she looked gaunt and pale. She decided to step on her scale and see the damage. She had lost 7 pounds. Elsa felt shocked, she felt clean, and she felt this sick sensation of feeling finally perfect. She wanted to keep this up.

**"****That what we do it for, to reserve a space. In history it's just part of the human race."**

However Elsa didn't want to just jump straight into anything so she tried to go vegetarian and ran twice a week. That lasted for a few weeks but ended when Elsa ate his weight in meat at the families weekly Sunday dinner. She managed to scoff down four plates of it. She doesn't remember much from that day, the only thing really being her crying in the bathroom with her hands on her bloated stomach.

After that she didn't make an effort, the depression of feeling like everything was meaningless and pathetic finally seeping in.

Two years ago was when it really kicked in but the thing is she didn't even notice until it was too late. She left it to late. It was too late now, she didn't even think about help, she didn't think she deserved it. Her sister thought differently. Yesterday she slipped a group therapy flyer under her door and kept referencing it. Elsa knows Anna wants what's best for her but she can't help but think about all the other people that need the therapy more then she does. It would be selfish to take that away from them.

**"****I'm forever chasing after time, but everybody dies,"**

Elsa got out the shower and patted her small body down with the towel. She hands hesitated over her stomach, there was still, after all these years, a bulge on the bottom on her stomach. She knew it was natural, it was where your organs are pressing against the skin. You needed the pouch but with any given chance she would most defiantly rip it off. She wrapped her hair into her towel, tucking it into the back and continued to putting on her skirt and work shirt. She was forever grateful that they let her have the male version of the restaurants uniform, males had long sleeves. Elsa walked back to her room and dried her hair before tying it into a French braid and walking to the front door. She knew she was early but this mean she could take a deep breath of air and relax a little more. She slipped her shoes on and called over to Anna,

"Anna! I'm going to work I'll see you when I get back, if not text me."

She slammed the door closed right as Anna shouted back, "Elsa wait, you haven't had brea-"

Elsa didn't catch the rest of the sentance, she didn't want to either.

**"****If I could buy forever at a price,"**

Elsa rushed out of the apartment complex and didn't think twice before running down the streets straight to the park by the restaurant . Her mind was blank as she ran down the streets. He didn't know how long she had been running for, a minute? Four? Five? But he let out a heavy breath of air and laughed. She laughed so hard she had to stop running and close her eyes so the dirty looks from strangers didn't effect her sudden high mood. She laughed until her eyes watered. Her heavy cackles of insanity could be heard for miles around, she didn't care. She felt so free and alive. She for once felt a huge weight being lifted of her chest, he didn't feel like an adult anymore, she was felt like a child. She'd been wishing to be small again in her head for years but now she felt the youthfulness of a child. She started running again and found the park, sitting on the swings she smiled.

Elsa forgot about her colleges (and Jack) she found the dull ache in her chest start to start up slightly. She didn't mind, it just made her think that she definitely liked him a lot. But she would accept it if he didn't feel that same way because sometimes love doesn't woke out the way you want to. You can go for days and years loving someone to magically wake up the next day, in their arms and feel nothing towards them. Love was a complicated thing that ripped life's into pieces and Elsa was glad she didn't have it, just strong feelings of affection towards the light haired male. Elsa was always afraid of love but she would never admit it out loud.

Love doesn't always work out but that's okay. In fact it's more the. Okay because it mean more opportunities. More challenges in life and more adventure. Love means being tied down to one thing but why have one thing when you can have millions of things? Love was finding a book in a bookshop, finding it amazing and just reading that one book over and over again. Elsa found herself fearing that, she wanted the thrill of a new person, she was in love with the rush but not the person. That was fine though. Elsa found a high in self loathing and depression. It was a sick thing but fuck was it amazing.

**"****I would buy it twice,"**

She looked back over the park and saw a small child playing with their mother. Children. children, they are so full of the hope adults envy. The hopeful skin of the children would be in the adults minds so much they would think about cutting the child and draining their youth. Oh how envy works in mysterious ways, it could make the smartest of men crawl crying to their mothers feet. Mothers know best, at least that's what they say. This mother she was watching obviously did, her child fell over and started crying. Immediately the mother rushed to her loves side and cooed, fussing over a slightly scraped knee.

It must be so hard as a mother to see your child hurt, Elsa thought as she decided to go to the restaurant. The outside air and recovery from sprinting there making her dizzy. She needed a drink and a sit down.

**"****But if the Earth ends in fire, and the seas are frozen in time,"**

She walked into the restaurant, immediately greeted by Rupunzel, who started babbling about Flynn. Elsa couldnt concentrate properly, the only thin truly on her mind was finding a drink to cure the dizziness and migraine starting to form.

"And he completely disregarded my feelings towards the movie. He knows I hate movies where there's a dog death and he saw the movie before so he knew it was gonna happen. Lousy piece of ass, still love him though. But he is most definitely a lousy ass- hey are you listening?" Rupunzel interrogated, Elsa gritted her teeth to stop from yelling at her, instead ignore her. She stumbled towards the kitchen where Jack was sitting on the counter,

"Hey Els, sorry about rushing out this morning it was just- wait Els are you okay?"

Elsa felt like gravity was weighing her down, she could only think of water and water only. She knew it was the lack of food but fuck she didn't need this right now. Not now. Black dots pushed their way into her eyesight and her head clouded over. She heard someone speaking and felt an arm on her shoulder before everything stopped and she sunk into a black abyss.

**"****There'll be just one survivor,"**

She woke to mutters, something cold on her forehead and to a pain in her stomach. Her eyes slowly opened, blinking a few times to adjust to the light. She saw four figures that, after squinting, made out to be Jack, Rupunzel, Astrid and Flynn.

"els, are you okay?" Flynn questioned softly, placing a hand on her knee, she sat up slowly and nodded, dispite the pain she felt okay.

"I'm fine, can someone just get me some water?" She asked, immediately Astrid scurried off to grand Elsa's wish. Jack watched her from the corner, unsettling her slightly.

"Can I talk to Elsa alone for a second?"

"Sure," Rupunzel said cheerily, squeezing Elsa's hand as a farewell and left the room.

"hope you're okay Cass." Flynn said with a sincere smile playing on his lips. Elsa nodded

"thanks guys, I'll see you all in a second." She tried to smile but it came across as more of a grimace, at least it was an attempt

"Elsa." Jack said in a serious tone. He walked towards her and perched on the edge of the couch, shaking his head slightly.

"Jack." Elsa tried to not let her voice shake but it was no use, her voice gave away all her anxiety over Jacks sudden harsh act.

"Fuck El promise me you'll tell me the truth." He sighed and turned her so they sat face to face. Elsa looked at him and felt her chest tighten at the sad, vunerable look on his face. She felt her throat close at the feeling of guilt, had she caused this? Was it her fault?

"I promise, Jack I'm confused what's wrong?" She sighed, trying to lighten the mood by saluting at her 'I promise'. Jack just looked at her with a fearful expression.

**"****But nothing lasts forever,"**

"when was the last time you ate?" He rushed out. Elsa felt her stomach drop and the world seeming to slow around her. He knew he knew he knew. It was over. He was going to think she was a freak, disgusting, vile, the list goes on and on. She felt bile rise in her throat and her hand shook violently as she pushed her some loose strands of her hair away from her face.

"why?" She tried to play off but Jack wasn't letting her dodge or dance around the subject. She promised him, she couldn't break her promise.

"just answer me Elsa!" He yelled, Elsa flinched and moved an inch backwards out of habit and fear. Jack saw and his expression soften, he didn't mean to snap. It was fear taking control of him.

"well, um two days ago." She admitted in such a quiet, soft voice. She looked down at her hands and tapped her fingers against each other. She couldn't meet his eye as guilt flooded her veins

"and what was it that you ate?" Jack tried to say but he felt like each other was clogging his throat.

"a carrot and slice of cucumber." She admitted again, this time a tear falling into her cheek. It was so pathetic admitting this, she felt so small, so weak.

"oh El. why?" Jack asked, leaning forward to rest a hand tentatively on her knee. She sniffed,

"why what?" She said stubbornly. She felt like a child again, but this time one that didn't get their way and we're making a tantrum.

**"****This world is a losing game."**

"why are you starving yourself?" He blurted out, his filter off. He wanted answers and she found herself giving them.

"because-" She started but was cut off

"because what?" Jack pressed before she could finish her sentence making Elsa roll her eyes.

"because I'm sick of being disgusting, ugly and fat Jack!" She exclaimed, jumping to her feet from the sudden sorrow and adrenaline she felt pumping around her body. She immediately regretted it and sat back down. Jacks face looked so...conflicted yet damaged. It hurt her heart to look at but before they could do anything Astrid walked in with the water,

"here's your water Elsa, drink it slowly okay?" She said, Elsa took it gratefully and took a large gulp.

"thanks Astrid, you're amazing." She praised before chugging the whole glass down her throat, searching for the refreshing feeling she would feel afterwards. It was her favourite part

"you okay?" Astrid asked, making small talk. Elsa nodded,

"yes thanks." She assured, ignoring Jacks childish scoff of disbelievment

"okay I'll just be cleaning the mess, call if you need anything." Astrid smiled and hurried out of the room, eager to get away from the tension in the room. As soon as she left Jack spoke,

"El, you aren't disgusting or ugly or fat. you're beautiful and kind and tiny." He took her hand and rubbed small circles into the back of it, making her feel more at ease.

"that's the thing, I wasn't, I'm supposedly am now, but I don't believe you." She said truthfully, Jack laughed from the shock.

"just please El, believe that I think you're beautiful at least." Jack whispered, his eyes watering at the realisation of what Elsa was feeling on a daily bases, what hurt her, hurt him too.

**"****I wanna mean something to somebody else,"**

"I want to, just give me time too. Please." Elsa pleaded, looking dead into his eyes and was amazing at the multiple different shades of light blue that scattered his iris'.

"I will, as long as you need. fuck I'll tell you everyday if I need too." Jack said, cutting off her admiration of his eyes.

"You're cute Jack." She admitted with a blush and ruffled his hair on his head. Jack squeaked and put a dramatic hand in his hip,

"I try not to brag." He laughed, feeling a warmth in his heart as he looked at her happy face.

"Hmm narcissist." She sang out, Jack let out a loud belly-like-laugh before composing himself.

"Oh shh." He chuckled before the room feel silent. Jack sighed, "There's so much I don't know about you." He admitted. He hated it with such a passion, he wanted to know her so badly.

"Think of yourself as lucky then." She admitted, looking at the floor with how much emotion and sadness in the seismic levels.

"I want to know you." He argued back, determination set in his eyes and a small pout of his lips. Elsa smiled,

"Mistake on your part," it fell silent again and Elsa took the opportunity to state that she would maybe, she gave in to the pouted lips, how weak? "It's really funny actually, when you've been to hell and back. When you are depressed and sad. Because you notice things around you that no one else would really notice. Like the person who plays with their food a little to forceful. Or the person that stares at the busy street with too much determination. Or the person that rubs her wrists a lot. Small little gestures that no one else would normally see but you do. Only because you can see yourself in their actions. That child who moves back slightly when an adult raises their voice even slightly. The teen who uses the "mom said no" excuse one to many times. You see the people who smile to wide or wear no sleeve shorter than their wrist. It's just amazing. And there's only one bad thing about it. You never know how to approach them. You know they don't want to hear "I'm sorry" or "just snap out of it" you have to be slow a cautious because people with mental illnesses are like deers. Fragile, one sudden, possibly threatening move will scare them away and rarely do you find them again. Don't rush me Jack, I will say things in my own time." Elsa spoke out carefully, another tear hitting her cheek. This was it, not or never. If it was gross she's cry, her daily calorie intake would have a massive spike.

**"****No I don't wanna be afraid, afraid to die,"**

"Who sent you to hell?" Jack asked in a quiet voice, he looked at her, searching her face for a reply but her face was cold, not giving anything away.

"Another answer for another day by sweet boy." She joked, trying (once again) to lighten to mood but (once again) it didn't work.

"Oh you tease!" He exclaimed, holding a hand over his head with a gasp. Elsa giggled,

"We should probably get back to work." She said, she was about to stand when Jack held his arm out, holding he still.

"Ohh no, North has allowed you the day off and I promised to take you home. You need rest." Jack mothered, tutting slightly as he muttered his future plans with you over and over.

**"****I just wanna be able to say that I lived my life,"**

"But-"

"No buts. And I'm sorry but we should postpone the day until you are rested, fed and strong enough to actually work." He said firmly, closing his eyes and raising a finger to make a point, she laughed, falsely.

"Seems fair." She played off, trying to seem cool but she ignored the gutted feeling in the back of her mind.

Jack and Elsa stood up and grabbed their bags before walking to the front door, saying a quick farewell to their co workers and boss. She felt guilty was was leaving them but she did know there was no changing Jacks mind now that it was set in stone. She Smiled when Jack grabbed her hand.

**"Everybody dies."**

They left the restaurant. The midday sun beaming down on their bodies and the warm breeze sweeping around their hair and heads, it would have been a perfect setting if the previous events never happened. As they walked in a peaceful silence Elsa could only concentrate on their entwined hands and how she never wanted to hold anyone else's hand ever again.

**"****So keep me alive."**


End file.
